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Man skips family Xmas because mom excludes stepson from family tradition. AITA?

Man skips family Xmas because mom excludes stepson from family tradition. AITA?

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When this dad is fed up with his mom's treatment of his stepson, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for skipping Christmas with my family because my mother doesn't want my stepson to take part in a family tradition?"

My (33M) parents (64F,68M) own a country house and there's this tradition for every child in our family to plant a tree there. I did it myself when I was five, and so did my brother and my sister, and all my nephews and nieces.

I have a 6-year-old daughter with my ex-girlfriend. My mother called me to ask if I’ll have my daughter for Christmas (we usually spend Christmases in the country house), because now she’s old enough to plant her tree.

I told her that my daughter will spend Christmas with her mother (I’ll see her a few days before going to the country house), but I also said that my stepson (7M) – my wife’s (36F) son from her first marriage – would be there.

My mother was silent for a moment and told me she didn't consider having my stepson plant his own tree. I was very offended by that. It made clear that she doesn’t see him as part of our family.

She then said there’s no guarantee he’ll remain in our lives, which obviously implies she’s considering that my marriage to his mother may not last.

I told her if that’s how she feels, she should not expect us for Christmas this year. Was I too harsh? I wonder if I could be an AH, because it's her property after all, and she does have the final say. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

motherofmoggies writes:

NTA. My son is technically my stepson. His biological mother is not part of his life, and he considers me his mum. If my family pulled a stunt like this, I would go low contact with them.

aldiaria writes:

YTA This tradition is for their kids and grandkids. Your stepson doesn't see them as his grandparents, you said it yourself. They have no meaningful relationship, they are just "your parents" to him. This tradition and that place mean nothing to him, they mean nothing to him.

So why? Have you ever worked on building their relationship, or you just expect that it will magically happen? Or you just force both sides (your parents and your stepson) in a very uncomfortable position just because you think it's right?

rlrlrlrl writes:

NAH. Sounds like she assumed it wasn't a thing. She has gone through generations of this and each time probably started thinking about it before a new kid's birth. And she probably was looking forward to it as the baby grew older.

You've skipped the initial steps. You thought about it. She might not have. Has your step child been part of the family for 5+ years like you were? Give grandma time and she may come around. Give her an ultimatum and she won't. Gotta choose which path you want to take.

All these stories about blended family issues have one thing in common. The newly married adults feel the commitment they made and assume that everyone is joining them in their commitment. Instant, full acceptance is a fantasy full stop.

You don't actually get to think for everyone else and when you insist that they must X, most people balk. Maybe let people build relationships before you start with the ultimatums?

Looks like the jury's out on this one. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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