Man tells 'broke' friends not to waste their money on a birthday party for their baby.
When this friend wants their friends to tone it down with spending, they ask Reddit:
'AITA for telling my friends they shouldn't waste their money on throwing a birthday party for their 1-year-old?'
So I (M) have two friends which are married to each other, I've known both of them since before they got together, they are both in their mid-20s and just under a year ago they had their first child.
I love these two to death, but they have virtually no money management skills and Even with the guidance of myself and a couple of their other older friends on how to cut back on their spending they are still riding a very fine line on being able to keep their heads above water.
Their kids first birthday is coming up very soon and I heard them talking about trying to figure out how they were going to afford to do his birthday party.
I didn't even realize I was doing it, but apparently I was shaking my head like I couldn't believe what I was hearing, so they stopped what they were doing and asked if there was something I wanted to say.
I told them that I thought they were better things that could be putting their money towards rather than wasting a fortune on some giant get together that the kid wasn't even going to remember, and that frankly I thought it was stupid how big of a deal people made out of birthdays for kids that they couldn't even appreciate and remember.
Furthermore I told them it was fine if they wanted to do something for his birthday but just go get a small simple cake and have the immediate family there to get all the photos for the memory book, it doesn't have to be an extravagant event for a 1-year-old.
I've seen so many cases of people throwing birthday parties for very young children but basically just using them as an excuse to get all the adults together to have fun. I told them that if they wanted to do that then just set up a different get together where everybody can contribute and they don't have to foot the whole bill.
I probably wouldn't have said anything, but I know for a fact that they are just barely scraping by financially as it is, and that they are basically one big bill away from being in the hole.
Maybe I could have approached it in a more gentle manner, but with these two I feel like sometimes they need a cold splash of water for reality to hit them. But now they're pissed off at me and treating me like I'm the worst because I told them something that I thought would be common sense. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
logicalimage writes:
YTA... I didn't see you saying in the post that they specifically stated that they want to have a large, extravagant party. It sounds like you're making assumptions on how they would throw the party. Either way, unsolicited advice, especially on parenting, makes you an AH.
extinctdiplocdus writes:
YTA because it was unsolicited advice. Yes, it was unsolicited: if you hadn't looked disapproving and shaking your head, they wouldn't have asked you for an opinion.
It doesn't matter that your advice was completely correct. They just didn't ask to hear it. It wasn't welcome because they were totally besotted with the baby. Asking them to tone it down was like asking an alcoholic not to drink from that open bottle.
Unless your were saying it for the sake of a later 'I told you so', you might as well have remained silent. When they sink low enough that they can't help seeing they're in big trouble, that's when they'll come to you for advice.
offensiveylc writes:
Soft YTA. It's their responsibility to remain solvent. And it's their kid's first birthday, they want to celebrate it like any parent would. They read your verbal cue asked you about it and you told them what you thought.
There's nothing inherently wrong with that except for the inadvertent show of disapproval. But if they're going to have a financial problem, if it's not the kid's first birthday, it'll be something else.
Do what you can or are able if they ask for help or if you want to help, but ya gotta stay out of it and obviously, be aware of what you're social cues are giving away.