Man tells dad his homeschooled kids are 'socially inept.' Dad says, 'yours are worse.'
When this dad is uncomfortable with the kids across the street, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling a dad that his kids are socially inept?'
We live across the street from a strange family, the 'Cashins'. I don't like the wife but the dad is likable. Our sons are the same age as their sons - 13, 9 and 6. Really nice kids.
The thing is that the parents homeschool their kids. I'm more than happy to have as many kids at our house. I don't care if they eat all my food or are loud. My 13 and 9 year old have grown cold of the 13 and 9yo Cashin boys. Their socially awkward because they do not interact with kids their own age enough so they come off as weird.
A lot of the stuff my 13yo and his friends talk about go over the 13yo Cashin boy's head so he just sits there in silence. The other boys feel uncomfortable. For example they were watching some scary movie and he said he needed to take a 'brain break' and went home and never came back.
The 9yo Cashin boy is very talkative and affectionate. The other day he ki$$ed my 9yo on the liP$ while they were building Legos in front of other kids.. My son nearly gagged. That alone got him blacklisted from the other kids in the neighborhood.
So now my 13yo and 9yo don't want to hang out with them. That really hurt the Cashin kids and their dad asked me if I knew what was going on. I said bro, I'm going to be honest. Your kids are socially inept. My kids really tried with your kids.
They don't want to hangout with your kids because they don't want them to get bullied by other kids in their social group. I told him I really really like his kids. But they just don't fit in. My kids can't fix that.
He was very offended and said not to worry because they won't hangout with my kids including their 6yo. I said my 6yo and your 6yo get along. You can give them a ball and they will play for hours. He said no, this is rude and more inept. Worse even. I feel really bad but he needed to hear it. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say about this. They were torn.
gilette8 writes:
YTA. You sound like a middle school bully in these comments. You could have used this as a teachable for moment for your kids and the other friends: “hey guys I know they may seem a little bit different but they’re worthy of kindness.”
Instead you respond with “ya what can ya do they’re weirdos my kids are awesome class of ‘99 rocks!” High school’s over, man.
constellation88 writes:
ESH except the kids. The parents need to prepare their kids to live in the real world, not whatever odd delusion of a world they think they can create by overly sheltering their kids.
Part of education is social and emotional skills, and if the parents aren't getting their kids into social settings on a regular basis, they're doing them a disservice because social skills cannot be learned when not practiced.
However, not liking horror movies and being affectionate are not 'socially inept.' Kissing a kid without consent is not okay and needs to be talked about, but leaving a horror movie midway through is listening to your own mind/body's needs. Many of us do not like horror films, and it is wise af to walk out of a situation that is harming you.
This kid was AWESOME! He didn't judge the other kids or force them to stop watching or beg them to do something else. He just removed himself from a situation that was hurting him.
He told the kids he needed a 'brain break,' which is a common term in public schools as well. He didn't walk out without saying anything or throw a fit. I think he handled himself wonderfully!
And you've told your son it's alright to ostracize him for that. You are teaching your kid that it's wrong to discern his own needs and meet them in a way that doesn't harm others.
You are siding with bullies instead of teaching your kids empathy and inclusion. A lack of empathy is its own kind of social ineptitude. Be more considerate.
puthekettleon disagrees:
NTA. I don't understand the abuse you're getting. You're absolutely right that in homeschooling his kids, this guy needs to ensure they are still getting sufficient exposure and socialisation with others their own age.
If your kids are the only exposure to other kids they are getting, then it's no wonder those differences are starting to show as they get older. I do feel sorry for them, but you can't force your kids to want to spend time with them. Their parents need to realise the damage they are doing to their kids and fix it.