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Man calls out friend hiring nanny to do everything, 'you don't really want to be a dad.'

Man calls out friend hiring nanny to do everything, 'you don't really want to be a dad.'


No one wants to hear the truth less than someone actively living in denial. So when you rip the band-aid of reality off, they're going to wince in protest.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his friend he doesn't really want to be a parent. He wrote:

"AITAH for telling my friend that hiring a live-in nanny would make him less of/not a parent?"

My friend and his wife have been talking about getting pregnant now that they're married. They both work very long hours 7 days a week, as they're both workaholics (we're talking 80+ hours each) and they've been like this for the 7 years they've been together.

When I asked who is going to work less, my friend said they're going to hire a live-in nanny to take care of their child while they work all day. They make around $200k-$250k a year together, and could easily spend less time working given how much money they have saved.

When I asked how much time they expected to spend with their child, he said he'd probably get around 1-2 hours a day, and that neither of them liked the idea of changing diapers or waking up at night to take care of the baby, so they'd be happy to pay the nanny to essentially be the 24/7 caregiver. As a father, I was taken aback. Part of being a parent is quite literally taking care of your child.

Poopy diapers, tantrums, BEING THERE. I asked how his child would feel growing up without his/her parents, and he asked what I meant. I told him he's not really a parent if he rarely ever sees his child and never actually does anything a parent does.

Just because your wife gave birth and you happened to be the reason she had a baby doesn't make you parents, it's the act of being a parent that makes you a parent. He got really upset with me and hasn't talked to me much all week, and his wife has been posting passive aggressively on Facebook since the day I said it, but I really don't feel like I'm in the wrong.

They act like they want to be parents but would rather pay someone else to do all the work? It just doesn't make sense. AITAH?

The internet had thoughts on the situation.

ZoeZerns wrote:

NTA. You have a point. A live-in nanny by itself doesn’t make you any less of a parent, especially if you really need the extra help. But hearing about how often they work, how they can easily afford to take time off to be with their newborn child, and how they both just aren’t willing, yeah you’re right.

The kid is going to grow up thinking the nanny is their parent and mom and dad are just people they see a little bit before bed. They are not going to have a proper bond.

justtryingtosurvyv wrote:

NTA, imo. I don’t get why they would even want to have a kid. Seem like the self-obsessed types that just want mini versions of themselves.

Dana07620 wrote:

Oh look. It's Downtown Abbey where you see the kids at tea every day. What you should be asking them is why they even want a child. It seems like they're doing it because it's the expected thing to do. Which is a hell of a bad reason to bring another life into this world. NTA.

scooby946 wrote:

In 20 years, we will be reading the child's AITA post complaining about their absent parents. NTA.

theubster wrote:

NTA. Someone needed to tell them, even though it's a truth they didn't want to hear. They're having a kid for very selfish reasons, and are AHs for doing so.

OP is clearly NTA here, he just said the truth no one wanted to hear.

Sources: Reddit
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