When this man in an open marriage is weirded out by his wife's surprise in the bedroom, he asks Reddit:
Title pretty much says it all. My wife and I have been together since we were 20, so about 13 years and we have a very active se% life. We weren't each others first but we are each others only (sort of).
We've delved into swinger lifestyle a couple of times just exploring our se%ualities and it's been fun. Obviously communication and trust is very strong and we haven't come across any problems with infidelity or anything.
That all changed when we hit our thirties and decided to cool it down. So much so that this year, we gave birth to our first beautiful daughter.
There was a friend of hers (same age as us, 33) that we used to mess around with together who caught baby fever. She is single, hasn't been able to find a steady relationship, and doesn't have any children of her own. She somehow talked my wife into letting me put a baby in her without talking to me about it.
I woke up about 2 weeks ago in the morning to my wife walking in the bedroom with lingerie and her friend trailing right behind her. I naturally got excited for some morning fun but then they told me the plan.
I immediately felt uncomfortable. I trust this woman but I'm kind of an overthinker sometimes and I worry about stuff that I guess shut me down for lack of better word. I began asking what if there's a falling out between us?
Or between us and her? What if she is doing this for child support? Or what if there's a jealousy issue? Etc.
I did voice my discomfort of the situation but this put us all in a bit of a funk. Was I wrong for even questioning it? AITA?
You are NEVER wrong for having boundaries. Under no circumstance should you do this if you're uncomfortable, you have a right to sexual boundaries.\
It's absolutely disgusting they didn't discuss it with you properly beforehand. And you say you trust them, I wouldn't trust someone who just springs it on youm that is NOT trustworthy behaviour.
You are about to be set up with years of child support and a biological and emotional attachment to a child you did not want. It is easy for them to say it would just be her child and you wouldn’t really be involved but could you really see this child, knowing it is yours and feel nothing?
Also, she could come for support at any time - especially if you have a falling out. I hope it is not too late. Don’t do this. There are other ways for her to have a baby.
What could go wrong? You’ll only be on the hook legally for financial support at a minimum of 18 years? What if the child is born or becomes disabled? You can get a second job to help with medical bills while siphoning money away from your nuclear family. Your wife is a fool at best. Don’t be loaning out your sperm, it can ruin your lives!
Do not do this. Have you considered how you would feel if you knew the woman or a subsequent partner of hers were maltreating the child or bringing them up in a way you didn't approve? We know someone who wasn't producing viable swimmers and thought a family member might be a good idea for artificial insemination.
That way, the baby would be genetically related to our friend. They were advised very strongly by a mental health expert that using the sperm of a family member or friend was a very bad idea.