'AITA for moving my girlfriend back in against my kids' and therapist's wishes?'
"AITA for moving my girlfriend back in against my kids' and therapist's wishes?"
I am a widower with two kids. My daughter is 18 and my son is 19. Both are in community college and living at home. I have been widowed for a two years and my girlfriend has been living with us since June of last year.
My girlfriend (27F) is a beautiful, passionate, and intelligent person. She is also creative and passionate in the way my late wife was never. Exceptionally charming in her good days.
However, she is also troubled, and that has rendered her unable to keep a steady job. She has no trouble landing jobs but she'd only stay an average of 2 weeks. She is highly reactive to the thought of abandonment, and no matter how much love I give her, it's like she takes my actions and words and twists them into something sinister, and then reacts to it.
Which means yelling, calling friends and telling them lies about me, talking about me as if I'm not present to my kids. I've lost friends over her behavior because she'd have days where she'd show up and refuse to talk to anybody because she felt rejected by something.
Even left bad reviews on a mutual friend's business because she accused us of seeing each other ( we were not even in the same state during that supposed time period.)
She has had trauma that has made her paranoid. That has devolved into her feeling like she's being followed to and from work, so she quits. I let her contract two security companies for our house but she still feels followed and just sits monitoring the cameras.
She also obsessively searches every bag in the house for trackers and dumps out groceries because she feared tampering. This paranoia has resulted in her ending up in court because she's confronted innocent people accusing them of following her.
I made the decision to put her in therapy and she just got out of a voluntary in patient program. The family therapist approved of my decision to rent a condo for her while she continues therapy. The condo has 24/7 security and I visit her often. However, I miss her and want her back in my house.
This isn't some fling- I want a future with her. And I saw that my daughter had texted my gf saying ' I know you are a good person- keep up the good work!' So I thought despite them having conflict with my girlfriend, my kids would be willing to welcome her back.
So yesterday while my kids were celebrating the 4th I helped move my girlfriend's stuff back in. However, when my kids got home, they both sprinted to my daughter's room and whispered for a half hour.
Then they came down when my girlfriend went to get takeout and said they cannot believe I'd let her back, especially before the therapist says she is stable. I defended myself saying I thought they said she was an intelligent good person. They said that she means well but so many things she's done are wrong and hard to forgive.
I told them we needed to be there for her and not give up, and they said they will not forget this, and there's worse things than loneliness. AITA? She's never done anything physically to anyone. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say:
ruvarik writes:
The fact that he waited until the kids were out to move her back in implies he knew they were not on board with this and still did it. YTA. And it is going to cost you your relationship with your kids.
wordlymirror1555 writes:
The fact that you ended your post about your clinically unstable gf with “she’s never physically threatened my kids” should be a giant red flag that this isn’t normal or acceptable. I would not blame your kids one bit if they go LC/NC with you over this. You are choosing her over the safety and well being of your children. YTA, majorly.
throwaway8880_ writes:
YTA - wild thought you can think someone’s an intelligent good person and also not want to live with them. But hey I mean who wouldn’t want someone who’s volatile, paranoid, and in need of serious mental help, who’s barely older than them to be living with their parent? Sounds like a healthy environment for everyone, right?