Man tells wife, 'if you get us kicked out of 3rd daycare, you're quitting your job.'
"AITA for saying my wife will have to quit her job if we get booted from another daycare?"
My wife and I have a 3 year old daughter, Alexis. Both of us work and Alexis has attended daycare since she was 1. In the 2 years since, we have been asked to leave 2 programs because my wife is a micromanager.
I admit both of us went into the first program not really understanding daycare. I quickly learned that they can’t provide personalized care and after learning from her teachers, I reset my expectations. My wife, however, has a lot of anxiety and worries about our daughter. She hates when she gets even a little upset. She’s in therapy and is working on it.
First program, my wife would constantly watch the live feed and call the daycare multiple times a day. We had several talks about it and the school talked to us twice. My wife ended up screaming at one of the teachers and then the director. We were terminated immediately.
Second daycare was a little better because my wife began therapy. But my wife was still so nervous and had a complaint every single day. These were not important things, small things like she saw another child took a toy from Alexis and she would cry.
The teacher would give the toy back to Alexis but my wife didn’t understand why the other child wasn’t punished for it. This daycare didn’t kick us out but did eventually suggest that this may not be the best program for us.
My wife and I decided to pull Alexis out. My wife because of her anxiety, myself because I knew my wife had burned bridges and was becoming “one of those moms”.
We chose a smaller home daycare this time as we couldn’t afford another center. The woman who owns it is very nice but also firm. She stands by her boundaries and won’t let my wife break any rules, whereas the centers were definitely more accommodating.
My wife would take any inch she got. This time, she doesn’t get that opportunity. I thought all was well as the owner only speaks to my wife for the most part.
Then, I get put in a group text saying my wife has been bombarding the owner with texts every day, despite the owner saying she will text her at lunch when things are settled.
She said at this point, she will only be responding at specific times of the day and not looking the rest. The owner then added sent several pages of the contract with passages highlighted, reminding us of certain policies my wife had violated.
I was angry. When Alexis went to bed that night, my wife and I talked. I said this was our last option for daycare. The other centers are too expensive and this was the only home daycare in the area that we like. A nanny is not in our budget. My wife made a million excuses, including that it’s not her fault she’s anxious.
I said if we are asked to leave this program too, my wife will be the one quitting her job to watch Alexis, not me. This upset my wife. I pointed out I’ve spoken to her kindly about this plenty of times. I encourage her to keep up her therapy. But she can’t keep getting us kicked out of programs. My wife is now not speaking to me. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
practicalpurple writes:
Nta. To keep it 100% honest with you. 20 years down the line, your daughter is going to hate your wife and there’s a high chance she will not be part of your lives. Your wife is the exact definition of a toxic helicopter parent, she’s going to not only ruin your life (already in that process), your daughters life in the future, and her own life.
leisurelylife writes:
NTA. Your wife needs to come to terms with the fact that she is the problem. Anxiety is shitty, but if she’s not going to take accountability for a known condition she has to realize there are consequences - like having to quit her job because no daycare will tolerate her nonsense.
Your wife needs to keep up the therapy and possibly go on medication if she can’t find a productive and helpful way to deal with her anxiety.
soog7 writes:
NTA. I'm glad that your wife is attending therapy, but her anxiety is not an excuse. She needs to be held accountable for her actions. If her every waking thought is consumed by worry for your child, maybe it would be better for her to quit her job and be a SAHM.
It's obvious she spends much of her time at work fretting over your daughter anyway. If she doesn't want to do that, she needs to seriously consider taking her prescribed medication to help manage her symptoms. She is becoming a nuisance to others because she is refusing to take care of herself.