When this man is concerned about his mom and his wife, he asks Reddit:
A few days ago my wife (28) and I (30) found out that she's pregnant. We had been trying for about a year after she had experienced a miscarriage of a pregnancy that we hadn't planned. We are both obviously super happy and excited to become parents.
So yesterday I went out to lunch with my mom and I told her the news, to which she was thrilled for my wife and I. I didn't think anything of it until when I told my wife that I told my mom and she was immediately upset with me.
She said that she wasn't ready for people to know given how her last pregnancy ended. She said that now because my mom knows that she is pregnant, she's now going to know if something goes wrong, and she's not comfortable with that.
When I asked her why that is such a big deal all she could say was"it just is" and that I wouldn't understand.
In my defense, it's not just her news to share, it's OURS and I feel like it was completely reasonable to tell my mom as she is an immediate family member who I am very close with.
I also know for a fact she already told her sister so I just don't see how me telling my mom is a problem. She also never communicated to me that she wanted me to keep the news to myself.
A day later and she's still very much so mad at me, I am getting the silent treatment and she avoids me like I am the one who did something bad. Again, I really don't think I did anything wrong here.
While I understand that it's her body I think its unfair that she can tell her support system but I'm not allowed to tell mine. AITA?
Soft YTA. First--wishing you a healthy full term pregnancy, and I am very sorry for your earlier loss.
But while it is your shared news, you are not the one who is currently watching their body like a hawk for signs of anything amiss.
You aren't the one whose body is now responsible for this new little life and you aren't the one whose hormones will be swinging wildly.
Has her sister had children? She probably wants someone to text every little ache and pain to who can talk her off the ledge, especially during the early days, so that she doesn't start Googling and freak herself out.
She does need a support system, and that isn't saying you don't--but you should have cleared it with her. Maybe she doesn't want your mom specifically to know, but your best friend or brother would have been fine.
YTA just in general it's customary to wait a certain amount of time before telling people. Did she "announce" to her sister or was she seeking her sister for council and support. There's a difference.
Gently, YTA. You shouldn't have shared the news with anyone before discussing it with your wife first. If you just found out a few days ago, I'm guessing it's very early in the pregnancy, and your wife is probably feeling extremely vulnerable, anxious, and fearful of having another miscarriage.
It makes sense that she might want to confide in one other person she's close to (like her sister), but wouldn't necessarily want her mother-in-law to know. You're right that it's both of your news, but that means that both of you should agree on the timing and manner of making it public.