'AITA for asking my wife to pay her fair share of child support?'

"AITA for asking my wife to pay her fair share of child support?"

I (M 39) have been married to my wife Stacey (F 30) for 5 years., and we have 2 children together. I also share 3 children with my ex wife Hannah (F 37). Ever since Stacey and I got together she has made it very clear to me that my 3 children are mine and Hannah's responsibility, not hers. This has worked out well so far, but lately it has been taking a toll on me.

I pay Hannah child support every month, ever since Stacey had our first child she has demanded that I give her the same amount of money each month to keep things 'fair.' In addition, I have to pay for half of our joint household expenses (i.e., mortgage, utilities, food) and my own car. Stacey pays for the majority of expenses for our children.

Here lies the problem. Stacey has never taken issue with having to care for my and Hannah's children. She picks them up from school, takes them to activities, and ensures they have everything they need.

However, any time she purchases anything for them, she immediately sends me a Venmo request and demands I cover all expenses related to children that are 'not hers.' We recently went on a family vacation and she demanded that I pay for half of the portion for our children and all of the portion for Hannah's.

I told her that all theses expenses are taking a hit in my finances and she didn't seem to care. She reiterated that my children are my responsibility.

To add insult to injury, she recently started contributing money to college funds for her kids, while Hannah and I have nothing saved for our kids' college. Hannah found out and asked that I start funds for our kids. When I talked with Stacey about this, she said this was fine, but I had to put the same amount of money in the funds she has set up for our kids.

I told Stacey I need her to start paying her fair share of expenses around our household. I cannot afford to pay child support, household expenses, and all these miscellaneous expenses that come up for my kids. It wouldn't hurt her financially, as she makes more than me and could easily spare some money.

Stacey blew up and took our children to her parent's house and I haven't heard from her in a day and a half. Am I the asshole for demanding that she pay her fair share?

Questions, answers and comments:

decemberrainfall asks:

So why did you have 5 kids?

Life_Grade_4261 OP responded:

I had the 3 with Hannah and then we divorced. I met Stacey and she wouldn't marry me unless she could have her own children. I would've been happy with just having her as a wife/stepmom, but she was adamant about being a mom.

WeaknessSecure787 says:

So she gave an ultimatum and you choose her and not your kids…..

Life_Grade_4261 OP responded:

I choose my kids everyday, that's what's causing this problem. Stacey didn't understand what marrying a guy with kids would be like.

Kalenek asks:

But does Stacey pay those expenses with the “child support” from her husband, because if so, that doesn’t make him an a**hole.

Life_Grade_4261 OP responded:

She pays some of those expenses with the 'child support.' According to her the amount doesn't cover all of the expenses related to my children and she has to pay the difference out of pocket. What she doesn't understand is that she can afford all these expenses easily, meanwhile I'm drowning.

karenrachael says:

YTA- it sounds like Stacey works outside the home, takes care of your shared children and does a share of child care and chauffeuring for your children with your ex. Pony up and be grateful.

JPenelope says:

YTA. You have 5 kids. You’re responsible for providing for their care. That includes a lot of expenses. Stacey is right that she shouldn’t be financially responsible for your 3 kids that you share with Hannah. Any financial stuff regarding those kids should be dealt with between you and Hannah.

regularhero says:

Her 'fair share' of the college costs and daily expenses for kids that aren't hers is, believe it or not, zero. So I'm going with YTA.

Responses to comments from OP:

I can realistically only put away 2-3k per kid per year. Stacey said that's fine, but she will contribute whatever she sees fit for her kids. My kids will probably end up taking out loans for school, while Stacey's won't.

I pay 50% of the household expenses (food water mortgage etc). The issue is that Stacey ends up paying the majority of the expenses related to our children (clothes, toys, activities, food when we're out to eat etc). According to her the child support is to cover my portion of the children's expenses.

Stacey pays for the day to day expenses for her own kids. I pay for half of the household (mortgage utilities etc.) and all the expenses for my own children. Stacey demanded half the money for the vacation because that's an extraordinary expense.

According to Stacey this isn't the care. My child support obligations to Hannah went up when we got married because the court deemed me to have more available income since our joint income is higher.

She keeps her finances separate from mine. It ends up being about $100/week per kid ($800 total) and Stacey says my kids' monthly expenses are more than that.

They are all my kids. They live under my roof and I can't go on vacation without them. They are old enough to know that I'm on vacation with my other kids and they see the inequality.

they do 2 nights a week and every other weekend. I want to maintain my relationship with them.

Hannah couldn't afford the trip. Stacey wanted to take her kids to Disneyworld, you know how expensive that is?

Stacey didn't want joint accounts, that's why I had to agree to the child support arrangement.

I don't have any money leftover to spend on things for myself or luxuries for my kids.

Stacey can afford to put away more money for her kids. If I have to put the same amount in all my kids college funds then my other kids will suffer because they don't get as much.

I wanted to marry Stacey, but she was very hesitant since I already had 3 kids and she wanted to be a mom. I told her that wouldn't be an issue because I can have more kids. She was still hesitant because she doesn't want to be responsible for raising someone else's kids.

According to Hannah and Stacey I can't give to one kid what I can't give to all of them.

Stacey made it very clear when Hannah filed her child support modification that my child support was not her fiscal responsibility.