When this dad is fed up with his MIL, he asks Reddit:
I (m36) have a daughter (12) 2 Week ago she got diagnosed with leukemia (ALL). I'm a single dad, my wife passed away when our daughter was 2.
my MIL (60) lives 3 hours away but comes to visit pretty often. My MIL always wanted a “girly” daughter. My wife was not into traditionally girly things. Neither is my daughter. That doesn't stop MIL from buying her dresses and other things she will never use.
About 5 days ago daughter asked if she could maybe dye her hair since it'll fall out soon anyway. I figured why not I talked to a friend who works at a salon... now my daughter has super cool blue hair. She had the biggest smile on her face when she saw her new cool hair.
MIL came to visit yesterday... She freaked out once she saw her daughter’s hair she was saying daughter had such beautiful blonde hair and now it's ugly. Daughter instantly got teary eyed chemo has already been emotionally exhausting for her she didn't need her grandma making comments like that.
I made MIL go in the hallway (we were at the hospital) I told her that was so wrong to call daughter ugly. Absolutely intolerable. She started saying well it is ugly. I cut her off and said just leave then if you aren't going to say anything nice... Well, she left and I hugged my daughter and told her she was beautiful.
I later got texts from my BIL me asking why I made MIL leave. I explained the situation, BIL said it was still AH move to not let MIL see daughter when she is sick and that I probably shouldn't let my 12-year-old have dyed hair anyway. So AITA?
NTA. I'm guessing your daughter doesn't want to see her grandma right now either. If and when she wants to see her again you should have a firm talk with grandma about what is appropriate to say to someone else.
Seeing people is not a given right, and commenting on other people's looks is a safe way to get cut off. Bet your daughter is rocking that blue though!
Oncology nurse here (adult, not kids), but one of the things we encourage during induction where we know hair loss is a sure thing is for people to do something fun with it.
We have had people do a Mohawk, I had patient’s kids come in help shave (we provide the clippers), we have had people dye their hair… it’s a moment of happiness and self expression in a time where things are spiraling out of control.
You are NTA for protecting your child. Your MIL needs to learn some empathy. Your BIL needs to butt out, because your primary concern should be your child, not a fully grown adult who still live her self centered world.
Also, as a side note, when your daughter’s hair grows back in, do not be alarmed it come back in a different shade or style.
I have see blonds turn into brunettes, grey hair on a 70yo+ come back jet black, redheads into blonde…curly hair into straight, straight into curly. That is all very normal.