When this MIL takes Thanksgiving matters into her own hands, she asks Reddit:
I came here for another opinion. My DIL does not like me, my son got her pregnant in college and I told him to get a paternity test since he was not exclusive with her and she wasn’t either ( he told me, she was seeing other people). He did and he is the father.
The first time I met her, she told me it was not a pleasure to met the person who thinks she is a wh&re. (Never called her that) I tried to explain but got cut off by my son.
Me and him had a conversation and he told me to drop it. Shotgun wedding and one kid later, our relationship is strained. I see her at family events but that really is it. I have been blown off so many times for inviting them out that I don’t anymore. I have accepted that I won’t be a strong presence in their lives or my grandkid's.
Now the family rotates who does holidays. It is her time to host thanksgiving. I gave a text asking what time I should be over and if they want me to bring anything. She told me I wasn’t invited but my husband is.
I talked it over with him and we decided to host our own. I informed the other kids what happened and I will have dinner at my place if they want to go.
Well none of the other kids are going now and I am getting texts from her and my son that I am acting like a jerk and to cancel my thanksgiving.
UPDATE: I sent a text with screenshots about not being invited to my son, according to him he didn’t know I wasn’t invited and thought I was hosting to piss off his wife. He sent texts that confirm that.
I have called DIL to ask about how he presented the paternity test and if they were exclusive at the time. No pick up so I will ask over text and give my side of the story. Will inform when she responds
I got thrown under the bus and they were on a break when she got pregnant. Apparently they dated for like two months, had a break, became F buddies again, got back together, the she found out she was pregnant. He presented it as me forcing him to have the test. Sooooo they are going to deal with that now! AITA?
ESH. And for the record, how you are going about this paternity test thing is all wrong.
Ask her if you can have dinner, apologize for asking your son to get a paternity test. Don't try to shift blame. Just apologize and say you didn't know anything about her or the relationship at the time, and you understand how that would have been upsetting.
And tell her you woukd like to get a chance to get to know her and put the past in the past, because you're both in this for the long haul and it doesn't benefit anyone to have this type of relationship.
Try being kind. Arguing is only going to prove her right in her own eyes. The only thing you can do here is be nice and hope you eventually win her over.
NTA…… but for everyone’s sake, try to be the better person….. I was your son 20 years ago….. my mother has never met my son (her only grandson) and he just left for college….it doesn’t make it better to dig your heals in when it come to family situations, let cooler heads prevail.
I’m not saying by any stretch that you are wrong in any way, but sometimes it jut takes time for the DIL to come around. Maybe all sides need to come together, both sets of MIL/FIL and talk and clear the air. Because I’m sure they have only heard her side…… But again, you’re NTA for hosting your own Holiday dinner.
YTA for pinning this all on your DIL. It’s very, very obvious that your son is the problem here. He’s framing things quite differently to you and to his wife which is why you’re at odds with one another.
I’m not saying you will ever be best friends or anything but your precious baby boy is the core issue. He’s obviously been lying to you and to her. What his motivation is I can’t fathom, but some air needs to get cleared and he needs to learn accountability.