When this MIL is fed up with her DIL, she asks Reddit:
I will try to keep it short, my DIL Kelly has been in our lives for four years now. In general she is a good person but she has one habit that drives me up the wall. She doesn’t listen and will do what she think is polite even if the other person tells her not to.
For example, her BIL asked for no presents for his birthday ( he has some trauma with birthdays and gifts) and just get dinner with everyone. Well she got him a huge present that he didn’t want. It was really awkward and hurt him a lot.
She does this with food a lot, anyone is hosting she will bring food as a hostess gift, the main problem is that is always needs something done to it when they get there. Time in the oven, or needs to stay cold and I don’t have the fridge space. Also she is usually late to event due to her job.
This has been a problem for most of the family with her, we have talked to her and she doesn’t stop. In short it is disrespectful to completely ignore what we are saying and do the one thing we don’t want.
Last thanksgiving was a nightmare, she was late and her casserole needed time in the oven. So all the food was done but hers. I talked to her and then she pulled the same thing at Christmas. Talked to her again, and then it happened again.
We have suggested bringing any other hostess gift but food and she doesn’t listen. At this point it feels like a F you, I won’t listen to what you want. She is bad guest and my son (her husband) can’t really help since he is deployed and not at most events.
I informed her last month if she brings any food to thanksgiving I will kick her out. I sent a text today reminding her to please not bring any food. I got a call from my daughter telling me she plans go bring food. WIBTA to kick her out when she brings food.
I also have tried not reheating it and giving it back, she got pissed and made comments all night. Tried that at Easter. This has been a four year issue any suggestions we probably have tried.
This behavior is weird. Like, does she have compulsions or mental health problems? You would totally within your rights to kick her out. But honestly, it would not be my hill to die on if she is otherwise pleasant. I would just not let her actions effect me. Arrives late with a dish that requires time in the oven?
"Sorry DIL, we are eating at 1, you will have more of your dish to take home." Arrives to a party with a big gift? "Thank you for the thought but we aren't doing gifts, you can keep it or donate it to worthy cause." NTA.
YTA, that’s too drastic. Have you considered assigning her a dish to bring, so it’s incorporated into your menu and doesn’t need anything extra? Tell her to bring dessert or something.
NTA, but I think I'd personally handle it differently. I'd let her bring the food. If it needs to go in the oven, she is the one who has to do it and it only goes in once everything else is all done.
If it's not done in time with all the other stuff, then it doesn't get served. In short, make it her problem and make it so she went through all the trouble to make the food for nothing. If she complains, you tell her that you've told her in the past to not bring stuff.