When this mom is freaked out by her husband's nonchalant decision to vacation with his mother, and is even more disturbed by the room they booked, she asks Reddit:
Am I wrong for being upset? My husband is on a full week long vacation with his Mom on a tropical island- known for honeymooning.
I am at home with a two year old and a four year old with a very high stress job. I am currently the higher earner in the family by a lot.
His response when I told him I didn’t want him to go on the trip was that I could come too. Who is going to take care of our children? His answer was my parents as if it’s that simple. They already watch them every day while we are at work so it would be a lot to ask.
I’m currently going through a lot with my mental health and started seeing a therapist. This has added to the reasons why it’s a very challenging time for him to up and go on a vacation. Being in survival mode while your significant other is on vacation is not easy.
The first night of the vacation my son was FaceTiming his dad to say goodnight. He asked for a tour of the hotel room. When I saw the room they booked over FaceTime, I was so triggered. As he’s showing the room I notice there is one king bed. He said they were told they could get an upgrade with a better view but it was a king bed instead of two doubles.
I immediately was so bothered. It already feels like they are on a honeymoon and now they are sharing a bed? I need advice to know if I’m crazy for being upset or is this unhealthy behavior? AITA?
Btw, I’ve told no one about the bed thing, which is a good point that you are making because I am absolutely too embarrassed to mention it anywhere outside of anonymously on here.
I really don’t think it’s se%ual for them in any way but I still think it’s odd to choose it knowing that it could have been avoided to have to share. They split the vacation evenly. I’ve thought a lot about his mom and the fact that she allowed this. I think she’s wrong too.
I mean, sharing a bed with his mom may be totally weird or not at all, but abandoning you to go on a week long vacation without you all seems like an instant divorce from me! Seriously wtf???
I don’t even go to the grocery store solo anymore. I grab a kid and throw them in the car with me so that my wife isn’t stuck solo parenting with two while I’m trying to figure out where the milk we like is. A whole GD week??? And your MIL thinks it okay for him to abandon you like this??? Runnnnnn.
If you’re struggling with mental health, I think you should’ve gone on the trip. Your parents would’ve fully-understood you needed the break. Instead, you chose to stay behind and are now miserable with your decision.
I commend your husband for knowing when a break is needed, so he doesn’t end up struggling with mental health issues, like you are.
Don’t know how much fun going on a vacation with his mother would’ve been, but try to be better to yourself in the future. Also, start looking for alternatives to your parents being your only source of babysitting.
It’s not wrong to be pissed he took off at a bad time especially when you told him that. It’s selfish. Is it worth divorce like so many are saying? Ah no. Marriages have ups and downs and fights. Doesn’t mean you check out over one issue.
How long ago was this trip booked? Was it before you were having these mental health issues?
The whole bed issue wouldn’t bother me. They had booked two beds and got an upgrade that has one large bed. I would share a bed with my adult son. Is it preferred, no. But I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. It’s his mom.
I would talk to him when he gets back and be brutally honest with how you’re struggling and how this was the worst time to leave for a week. I would also take some time to yourself. Clearly you need it with all that’s going on.
You’re not wrong for being mad about him leaving for a week when you’re struggling day to day. But I don’t think the bed situation is a bid deal, but that’s just my opinion.
I might get downvoted to hell as this sub seems completely one sided. But… iIf roles were reversed and the wife went away with her dad and left the kids home and the guy was complaining that he was the bread winner.
I think people would just glaze over that part and say “well moms need a break too. At least she wasn’t at a resort with all her girlfriends getting drunk”.
This couple already leans on both their parents daily for support. While not wrong, it does give parents a much larger role in the couples lives than just grandparents. Also, just because one person says they are having mental health issues can not be a reason to never have fun.
For all we know she weaponizes that statement anytime she doesn’t want her husband to do something. That being said as a grown ass man.. there is no chance I’m going away with my mother at a honeymoon resort (if it actually was) and staying in the same bed. That is weird. I’m not sure it’s grounds for divorce as we don’t know much else.
Hell, it could have been his mother and fathers well planned in advance vacation and something happened to his dad either death or maybe an illness that prevents him from flying. Mom still wanted to go, asked her son.
Talk to him.. but you both need to cut the cord from your parents. Put the kids in daycare let the kids get socialized and learn.
Call a lawyer now and have the divorce papers ready for him when he comes back. He’s clearly in an emotionally incestuous (at the very least) relationship with his mother and you and your children will never be more important.
Cut the cord now before he drags yourself and your children through years of hurt. Also, please tell me your higher earning job isn’t paying for his romantic getaway with his mother.
theaterwolfgirl asks some heavy-hitting questions:
Questions OP: Has your husband acted like this previously? Taken off for weekends, or nights to spend time with his mom or friends? Is this is a one off, or has this happened before?
Do you have a good relationship with your MIL? Look for the patterns. Is this new behaviour? Or behaviour that has been continuous?
I don’t doubt that he considers your parents as babysitters who wouldn’t care if you decided to just go away as they look after them daily. However he is wrong to imply or assume that they would be ok with taking the kids without so much as being given a chance to say no.
If you are the breadwinner (assuming he is ok with this…), and you tend to be the parent when your folks aren’t watching the kids… What does your husband do? Was he a SAHP? Does he have a job?
Is he supportive of your job? Supportive of looking after the kids, cleaning the house etc.?
Is he supportive of your mental health and speaking to a therapist? Is he actively looking after his own mental health with a therapist?
Have the two of you considered the fact that you are no longer communicating properly and could do with some marriage counselling?
I don’t agree with how he dealt with this situation, you being invited as an after thought and sharing the same bed as his mother, but I don’t think jumping to a divorce is the best for the entire family either.
If you have more no’s than yes’s, if you have written a list of pros and cons with more in the cons… you may need to consider contacting a lawyer. Contact a travel agent and book yourself a week long trip away, without him, and leave him home with the kids as he did you.
Not an easy situation. And yes, him sleeping with his mom in a bed is awkward and weird. I wouldn’t even share a bed with my mother when we got a hotel on an exceptionally long drive home.