Woman tells son to 'break his wife's tradition and bring my grandchild to Christmas.'
"AITA for wanting my son and DIL come stay with me for Christmas?"
I moved out of my home state a few years ago with my husband. We have 3 kids still in our home state. Every Christmas the youngest two come down but my oldest hasn’t come for a Christmas yet.
I keep inviting them but he told me his wife’s family has a huge party every Christmas that she does not want to miss. He says she looks forward to it every year and her entire family goes to it and it is not a tradition she is willing to break. So he say coming here for Christmas isn’t an option.
I feel like this isn’t ok then can at least come every other Christmas. Now she’s pregnant and I know she won’t want to travel this Christmas but once my grandchild is here I would like to see them for Christmas but my son told me they want their child to also take part in the big Christmas party.
I snapped on my son and told him it was unacceptable he has to make time for our side of the family too and I expect to see my grandchild for Christmas. He told me sorry but this is something that is very important to her and he doesn’t want to ask her to give it up.
I told him it’s fine for him and DIL to grow up they are married now and they need to compromise. My son has been avoiding my calls and won’t be coming here for thanksgiving.
Let's find out.
bogbabe writes:
YTA. The hypocrisy! The irony! It burns! You told your son he needs to grow up and do what his mommy says. Either you're trolling, or you suffer from a complete lack of self-awareness.
Guess what? He has grown up, and he's married, and he and his family are choosing how they want to spend their Christmas holidays. You do not get to dictate their choices.
You can travel to them. You can invite them to celebrate either before or after the actual holiday. There are many options you could choose from. But attempting to dictate to your grown, married son is not going to end well for you.
straightsinger2912 writes:
YTA. I'm the DIL in this situation - my mother always had a special Thanksgiving (it was important to her for many reasons), and I didn't want to miss it; my husband's family 'got' Christmas.
We thought that was a fair compromise, but MIL went all-in on having 'the whole family together' at Thanksgiving and did exactly what you're doing now.
It was a fight, but thankfully my husband stood up for us. We also didn't visit very often while she was putting on her Veruca Salt 'But I want you at Thanksgiving and I want that NOW' act.
Are you telling me you refuse to compromise? Thanksgiving, Easter - no other holiday BUT Christmas is acceptable to you? You're going to lose them totally if you're not more flexible - you can be.
This is their life now, you don't get to plan playdates for your son anymore, and you need to apologize to him and ask them what holiday would work instead (and mean it, no snarking about how you get 'second choice') - and start something that works for them, and not just stamp your foot.
meliinthecity writes:
NTA. They could also compromise and essentially guarantee a Thanksgiving visit (they were supposed to come this year) - it's another big family holiday and still close to Christmas. I feel like that might (rightfully) be off the table for right now, but it was an option that OP could have suggested.