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Trans son refuses to go to stepmom's holiday celebration, dad calls him selfish.

Trans son refuses to go to stepmom's holiday celebration, dad calls him selfish.


When this woman is upset with her father and stepmom, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for telling my dad I wont be showing up for the holidays if his wife and her family are there?'​​​​​​

I (19 FtM) have been out as trans to my family for nearly 4 years. My dad struggled to accept me at first but eventually came around after a year, my stepmom and her family however have not been so kind.

She kicked me out when I was 18 when she discovered I had taking testosterone without her knowing.

She never respected my name or pronouns and neither did her family. My dad tried to defend me but eventually gave up since she basically has full financial control over him (They live off of my dads disability and whatever SM makes).

Im now almost 4 years on T, I am very much male passing, I almost have a friggin beard for crying out loud, but step mom and her folks have basically dug their heels into the ground and still refuse to respect my name and pronouns.

Despite his wife me and my dad are still pretty close, he recently texted me and asked what I would be bringing for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I asked him if these would be celebrated with SM's family and he said yes.

I flat out told him the only way I would come is if they stop dead naming and misgendering me. I offered to have a dinner with him and my friends without his wife but he never responded.

I woke up the next morning to about 50 missed calls from my step mom and tons of furious texts from her.

She told me my dad was crushed I no longer wanted to come over for the holidays and I was being selfish and greedy over something so small and petty.

I feel terrible that my dad is upset, but I also dont want to be stuck in a house full of transphobes and be expected to be okay with it. AITA?

Let's find out.

cynicalmage writes:

NTA, and I'd point out if it was something so small and petty in her eyes, how come they still can't get it right?

dinafelice writes:

'If you think refusing to call me by my correct name and gender is a 'small and petty' thing, why can't you agree to call me by my correct name and gender?

It's a big deal to me, but if it's a small deal to you, then it seems selfish and greedy of you to not make this small behavior change that would allow me to visit and therefore would make Dad happy.'

NTA. Any time someone claims an issue is 'small' or 'not a big deal' but insists that you must change rather than them, they are being an AH.

You are asking to be treated with basic respect: the same level of respect that you are willing to show to any other holiday guest.

Your stepmother is refusing to treat you with respect, yet would no doubt be offended if you misgendered her and called her by a name that isn't hers. It's therefore her fault that you are unable to come.

kilbret4 writes:

NTA but your dad is for not standing up for you with his wife and her family. If anyone is being selfish and greedy it is your dad and stepmom and their transphobia is not a small or petty issue.

Sit your dad down and explain to him but not standing up for you he is silent condoning their behavior towards you. I know you love your dad but he needs to wake up and realize his silence and lack of action are harming you and your relationship with him will suffer because of it.

I am glad that you have discovered who were meant to be. It takes a lot courage to stand up and be yourself when others want you to sit down and be quiet.

Looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for him? Should he get revenge on this evil stepmother?

Sources: Reddit
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