Man's wife won't let him see his mom during holidays because of her 'secret' marriage.
When this man is annoyed with his in-laws and wife during the holidays, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for asking my wife if we can spend every other holiday at home instead of my in laws after she said we can't go to my mom's anymore?'
My wife decided a few years ago that we will no longer be spending any holidays with my mom because she is rude (to be fair she is), doesn't cater to the kids enough, and the final straw was when my mom reached in front of us to get some food and we noticed a ring and realized she had gotten married.
My wife said if we weren't good enough to get a wedding invite, we clearly aren't good enough to spend holidays with. It hurt but I agreed because I didn't want to harm my marriage.
The past couple holiday seasons have been rough on me. I just don't enjoy holidays with my in laws at all. They have like 30 people there, everyone is so loud, food is dry and bland, just no one I connect with, and it makes me miss spending holidays with my mom.
Recently my wife brought up the holidays and i let her know how I was feeling. she said she sympathized but was not wasting another Christmas with my b*tch mom.
I asked if we could start staying home every other year and just doing something the four of us. My wife blew up.
She said I was selfish and trying to ruin her holidays just because my mom is a bi*ch, that I don't care about our kids because they love it (they do but they are 4 and 2 and I think would love anything if we made it exciting for them), and she said I need to act like a grown man and put my feelings aside for the good of the family.
I feel I had the right to just ask and she owed me at least an adult conversation. AITA?
Let's find out.
smokelust writes:
NTA but your wife is. If she won't 'suffer' spending the holidays with your mom, why should you suffer spending them with her family? Spending time bonding as a family at home over the holidays can be super rewarding. Your kids will love what you do no matter what.
yetithoguhts has A LOT of thoughts.
YTA, I can’t believe that everyone here is falling for what Op is trying to pull on his wife.
His mother not only excluded them from the wedding but didn’t even bother to tell them she got married but she does still invite them over for dinner at which pint she flashes her wedding ring at them (I have a feeling that reaching past the wife with her ring hand was done on purpose).
OP says his wife was upset about not being invited to the wedding but OP doesn’t seem to have any feelings about this that are worth mentioning? Why? I’d be very hurt if my mother or siblings did this to me.
He makes his wife out to be the bad guy because she wanted to go no contact. What did he want to do? Act like this was okay?
What has he done in the past when his mother was mean to his wife? She’s standing up for them because he won’t.
His wife wants to spend holidays with loved ones and he hates socializing and wants to self isolate and wants his wife to self isolate along with him. Op sounds depressed and highly avoidant of conflict.
What happened to make him feel that his own feelings about his mothers behavior aren’t important? Why does he go NC with his mother simply because his wife told him to?
This all sounds like someone who take a very passive avoidant role in his own life leaving his wife to be forced to deal with everything.
newbgingrich writes:
My family very rarely does big get togethers for holidays. None of us like it and we enjoy getting together with just the immediate siblings and parents.
OPs ask was not a big one at all and any other speculation about the mother is irrelevant because he's not asking his wife to spend time with her. NTA