Mom accused by teenage daughter of 'bad parenting' during her sophomore year. AITA?
When this mom feels guilty about how she raised her kid in high school, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for "not helping" my child?"
I have a teenager named "Noelle," and Noelle is currently in 11th grade. She is still mad at me for 2 things that happened to her in 10th grade.
Noelle is a good writer, but in 10th grade, her English teacher, "Mrs. Smith," had a challenging class because she had very strict rules for vocab choice and grammar. Noelle told me she wanted a tutor for an essay she was writing because she was struggling to keep up with Mrs. Smith's rules.
Noelle's cousin, "Daniel," said that his friend "Zach" would tutor for $25/hour and teach her Mrs. Smith's grammar rules, and I was LIVID that my nephew (Daniel) wouldn't step up for free and that Zach dared to charge so much though his parents are well-off!
My husband and I are barely middle-class and Zach has the AUDACITY to go and charge us so much though he is a freaking HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR, not a freaking Nobel Prize Lit winner.
I told Noelle she would have to re-write the essay herself, and she did. She ultimately earned a B- on the essay because of some comma errors but still had an A in the class by the end of the semester.
Noelle was also mad at me for not allowing her to visit a dermatologist when her acne went from mild to moderate in 10th grade, but the reason I refused is because my husband and my sister saw dermatologists for VERY SEVERE acne and didn't get their problem solved, so why should I waste my money on it?
Noelle thinks I am just a cheapskate who wants to teach her "self-reliance" in a messed up way but did I really screw up?
Let's see what readers thought.
thrown9 writes:
YTA. Your child asked for help, twice, and you refused her. That just means when she has problems in the future, she'll know that she can't come to you for help. You'll look back in a few decades and wonder why you don't have a relationship with your daughter. I hope you remember this post.
crimsonniknight6 writes:
YTA - Why were you expecting your nephew to step up for free? Expecting a teen to work for free is pretty messed up. If you couldn’t afford Zach’s rate (which is reasonable, but can be steep if you’re not there financially), then did you try to find another tutor with a lower rate? Or did you just throw your hands up in the air and make your daughter figure it out on her own?
And acne issues can cause all kinds of issues, especially as a teen. Issues with self-esteem and even bullying. You should have taken her in to get it treated; you say that your husband and your sister had VERY SEVERE acne so it may have been difficult to treat, but if your daughter’s was moderate it may have been treatable.
At the end of the day, in your daughter’s eyes, she needed your help twice and you failed her twice. If the issue is money, then at least show your daughter that you’re making an effort to work with the means you have. Like finding a cheaper tutor.
BSdetect writes:
YTA on both but I'm curious to what your husband have to say about all this or did he not know about anything at all especially about the dermatologist. You mention that it didn't help him because as you mention it was very severe.
Did your daughter went to him and ask for his advice or opinion or did you bring it up to him? Either way, it just seem that you didn't care enough to help your daughter in both aspect.