Dad adopts two boys, tells sons exactly who his favorite is. AITA?
When this dad is haven't trouble parenting his sons, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my son how I felt about his behavior?'
I (M) had hit middle age and wasn't married or has kids so I decided to look into adoption. I fostered a few kids that I didn't like and was about to walk until they paired me with a 2yo who had lost both parents and had no family.
Josh is now 14 and a very well adjusted kid aside from bouts of whining and complaining about stupid stuff.
I also adopted another kid who is now 7 (Zachary). He is the sweetest boy and the love of my life. He was a good choice. He would say that he loves his Daddy (me) more than anything in the world.. Yesterday I took him to Yogurtland before coming him.
Josh started to complain that I didn't get him anything. I said you weren't even home when I left. You were out playing with your friends. Besides anything I would had gotten you would had melted by the time we got home. You didn't miss anything.
He then said I never do anything for him. So I said 'I adopted you and if all you have to complain about is frozen yogurt then I did a pretty good job.' He got up and left and has been giving me the silent treatment.
I called him out on it and said I've taken him out to Yogurtland hundreds of times with just me and him but he's still mad. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
chloeohy writes:
YTA… and this is really concerning. Throwing that in his face is a horrible thing to do, and will lead to life long trauma. Think about what he already goes through, and now think about what you’ve added to that.
Actually disgusting the way you clearly lack any empathy for your own child. Seems like you’re the a**hole in not just this situation, but in general. He will remember that comment forever, and that’s really sad.
coastalland writes:
YTA. This isn't about Yogurtland, it is about you throwing his adoption in his face and making a false equivalency of him becoming family to getting a scoop of fro-yo.
But I do think you need to take a beat and reflect. The way you talk about Zachary and Josh is very different and perhaps Josh is feeling like he's on the outs with you. Teenagers are interesting creatures where they push the boundaries of your affection for them.
They want to know that you still care even if they're being moody, whiny and complainy. Your job as a parent is to love and care for them through that.
You crossed a very serious line here. I suggest you make a plan to make amends and never throw his adoption in his face like it was a favour you did him.
badmanman writes:
YTA. A parent should never throw that in an adopted child’s face. Imagine how that makes him feel. As it is adopted children struggle with feeling of abandonment and not being worthy. 14 is a difficult age. They get good at challenging you and are trying to define their identity outside of the family.
It would have been much better to lean into the fact that it would have melted had you gotten him something and to offer to make it up at a later time. Reinforce that you love him, not that you gave him a home. That’s table stakes for a family.
From what you’ve written it seems like the 7-year old might be the clear favorite in your family and the 14- year old is starting to feel comfortable articulating it to you.
Spend more 1:1 time with the older kid and give him some of your undivided attention or he may carry these resentments out the door and away from you before you know it. He’s already 14; 18, 19, 20 aren’t far behind. Cement that relationship while you can.