Mom asks 16 yo daughter to give up therapy so 13 yo daughter can get medical treatment. AITA?
When this mom is upset with her eldest daughter's journey with therapy, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for asking my daughter to give up therapy?"
Okay I have 2 daughters (16 and 13). About 4 years ago my husband passed away. I put both my children into therapy but after a year my youngest decided that she didn’t need to continue the appointments.
However, my eldest has continued the appointments throughout, she feels like it helps with dealing with stress and other issues.
My youngest was diagnosed with a serious illness and the medical bill is way out of my budget. Therapy is already very expensive but I was able to manage but therapy and medication is too much especially since I have no other support.
I sat my eldest and told her this but I told her in 6 months she should be able to go back because that’s when the treatment ends and hopefully so does my daughter’s illness.
She became very quiet and upset and has been giving the cold shoulder ever since this Monday. Today my daughter’s friend mom called to tell me that I’m favoring another daughter over my daughter and how it’s not fair each child doesn’t get their own needs.
I’m actually so lost because I don’t know what to do am I actually favoring one daughter over the other? AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
garamon7 writes:
NTA. Serious illness is an urgent and important problem, not your choice. On the other hand - are you sure your older daughter doesn't feel neglected because you focus on the younger one?
Perhaps she sees this situation as part of a bigger picture in which her needs are put on hold and she has to make a sacrifice as an older and healthy daughter. I think it is worth reading about the dynamics of a family with a sick child and what it could mean for siblings.
impressivecare6 writes:
Mental health care is still health care. Yes, YTA. Talk to the therapist, they may know of some kind of funding you may be able to access, or some other solution.
diddykong7 writes:
NTA- This is just an unfortunate situation all around, but if the funds aren't there, they just aren't.
You're doing the best you can in a bad situation and while I understand your daughters disappointment, this isn't favoritism, it's just doing what you can to get by and survive. Therapy is incredibly important, but it is currently a luxury that many many families are being priced out of.
This is equity over exact fairness. Your youngest needs a bit more support right now and it's ok to put out the immediate fire and then refocus your energy in a few months time to both children's needs.
emotionallayer6 writes:
OP is the AH. She didn’t even talk to her daughter before this. She could have cut back sessions before this. Instead she decides to cut her daughter off cold turkey. I’m glad OPs daughter has a safe person to talk to. Mother doesn’t sound like she knows how to communicate.
Also, I am disabled. I’ve seen parents favor kids when the one gets sick. OP should have been honest with her daughter months ago. Instead she’s saying you have to suffer for 6 months because OP was too lazy to look for alternatives.