Mom outs 'obviously gay son'; laughs when he says he's straight. AITA?
'AITA for telling my son that he is obviously gay?'
My son (17m) has apparently been in the closet for the past 7 months. So, my son is fairly masculine/straight acting if that makes sense, however he's very obviously had a boyfriend (18m) for the past 7 months.
He sometimes baby talks to this boy, hugs him all the time, has called him handsome, share clothes, sits way too close to each other to the point where they're basically cuddling.
He closes his bedroom door when with him but not any other friends, sees him like everyday, buys him gifts, and for the past 7 months he now always smells great, has his hair fixed really nice, and dresses nicer, among other things.
Today I asked my son if was going to invite his boyfriend on our trip, and he got awkward and said “that's not funny”, I asked what he meant and he said “Im straight, that's not funny” I laughed and when I realized he was serious I started laughing even harder.
I told him he was very obviously in a relationship with a guy and did a terrible job at hiding it, he got emotional and started asking me not to tell his dad (my husband already knows, like I said it was obvious). Then he got upset saying outed him when he wasn't ready, he hasn't said a word to me in a couple days. AITA?
From OP: My brother sort of did the same, never actually told anyone he was gay, just started bringing guys home the same way I brought guys home or our brother and brought girls home.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Humble-Employer-9323 asks:
Why laugh tho?
platefoodaway OP responded:
At first, because I thought he was joking when he said he was straight, then because I realized that openly having a boyfriend was hiding the relationship to him.
OutlandishMiss writes:
NAH but it was a close call.
Laughing wasn’t great, but if you were the only two people present, you didn’t “out him” to anyone. So your initial question is misleading. It’s a**holish to make an assumption about someone’s sexuality or relationship status, but if it’s your own kid living in your house and the evidence you are presenting is accurate, I think most parents would assume the same. Apologize and you WNBTA.
platefoodaway OP responded:
He's confirmed that's his boyfriend.
notlucyintheskye writes:
YTA. When I was 17 and watching tv with my parents, out of the blue, my Dad turned to me and said 'You know it'd be okay if you were gay, right?'. I laughed it off, said okay, and went about my day. Within six months, I was questioning. It took several more years before I was comfortably calling myself Bi and coming out to friends and family.
I think I must have given off vibes to my parents for Dad to come straight out and say it like that - but at no point in time did he assume, make comments alluding to, nothing. I was given time and space to reach that conclusion on my own.
You took that away from your son. Instead of saying something to the effect of 'If you are, cool - if not, cool. We love you regardless', you forced him to confront that identity before he was ready.
You need to stomp this s**t out before it spirals. Let your son know what I said above - that however he chooses to identify is okay with you and that you love him regardless and will take any future cues on how to proceed from him.
Only-Main8948 writes:
It's the laughing at him that gets me. How humiliating for him.
nostalgeek81 writes:
I can see how OP thought it would not be a big deal since it was so obvious. And maybe they thought that for this reason coming out officially wasn’t necessary. But clearly the son thought he was being sneaky.
NaturalTap9567 writes:
She was laughing at how bad a liar he is. A completely normal thing for a parent to do and him being gay doesn't change that.