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Mom begs daughter to visit autistic brother. Daughter says, 'I can't.' AITA?

Mom begs daughter to visit autistic brother. Daughter says, 'I can't.' AITA?


When this mom is upset with her daughter's decision, she aks Reddit:

'AITA for asking my daughter to see her autistic brother too while she was visiting us?'

I (58F) have two kids. Elizabeth (28F) and Michael (26M). Sadly, Michael was diagnosed with autism when he was just two. He is pretty easy to get along with and is a lovely person overall. He throws tantrums or acts really stubborn just occasionally.

Elizabeth moved away at 18 for college. She visits us sometimes and we keep in touch via calls. Visits naturally became less frequent over time and she hasn't been home since last Christmas. Last week she called and asked if it would be okay for her to come home for a few days. We were thrilled.

However, she said she would be staying at a hotel and would only like to see me and my husband at a restaurant outside. I was heartbroken that she didn't want to include Michael. I asked her to please visit us at home so she could see her brother as well. She is not having it.

I asked her why she made this decision. She said she wanted a peaceful evening with her parents. I told her she needed to see her brother too since we're all a family and we need to stick together. Elizabeth told me to never mind, that she wasn't coming and that she made a mistake.

I feel really bad for making her cancel the trip. My husband agreed with me that she shouldn't act like this towards Michael. A few other relatives say we were wrong and we should've agreed with her terms. I am asking you reddit AITA?

Let's see what internet users had to say.

sufficietncap7 writes:

YTA Food for thought; how many times have you and Elizabeth spent quality time together? Without michael and without him being mentioned or imposing on your time together? How many times has Elizabeth spent time with her dad without michael? How many times has she had your complete undivided attention?

Often, siblings of people with special needs are overshadowed, forgotten about and expected to grow up faster because they cant rely so much on their parents. Your daughter moved out at 18, she has barely been home.

This is because home isnt enjoyable. She probably feels resent to michael for taking away time with mum and dad. Which yes you have responsibility to look after your son, but you also needed to look after your daughter. Be there for her with undivided attention. She was asking for this and you said no.

internalabla writes:

YTA. My heart breaks a little for your daughter. She states very clearly what she wants from you and your husband. And again (will not be the first time) you put your son first. The fact that she admits she made a mistake (hoping for once that she would be put first) should make you think a lot!! Don’t be suprised if she goes low to no contact with you after this.

RSM writes:

YTA exactly, how often do we hear here from kids on the other side of the relationship, how they were neglected because of the special needs sibling as perceived by parents who didn't care what they did?

It would be very interesting to know how your daughter saw growing up, was it a constant parade of excuses and exceptions for her brother? neglect of what she did/wanted because of him? Why do you think she's staying away now. she reached out to you, offering an olive branch and you let her know it is business as usual.

You didn't even ask her why she didn't want to see him, you just told her she had to. you told her all she needed to know. You need to make it up to her before you lose her forever.

Looks like OP is YTA. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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