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Mom calls fiancé 'delusional' for trying to punish her kids for failing his 'tests.'

Mom calls fiancé 'delusional' for trying to punish her kids for failing his 'tests.'


My fiance (40m) and I (36f) have been together for 2 years. I have 3 kids from my former marriage (7), (11), & (14). My fiance loves them and treats them as his own, but he constantly complains about certain behaviors and says that the kids lack 'some forms of descipline'.

I never understood what he meant but mind you he's a teacher and can take this whole descpline thing a bit far. I noticed that he's been doing some 'tests' lately to see how they'd act in certain situations.

For example, he once left his journal lying around to see if any of my kids would snoop, he also would leave money lying around to see who'd touch it. Or even lie saying 'who wants skittles?' to see if any of the kids would come to him downstairs.

The recent one (that I wasn't aware of til later) was yesterday. He told the kids that he lost a 'dollar' from his pocket and offered 10 dollars to whoever finds it. The kids began searching the house for an hour.

My 7 & 11 year olds couldn't find a thing, but my 14 year old went to my fiance and told him he found the dollar and gave it to him. My fiance lost it and started yelling 'Aaaa gotcha now!'. My son was confused.

Turns out, my fiance didn't lose any money and lied about the dollar to see how the kids would react. My son obviously had 'faild' because he pretended to have found the dollar but in reality he took it from his allowance and gave it to my fiance hoping to get that 10 dollars.

My fiance said that because of my son's dishonesty and greed, he'll punish him by taking all his allowance for the month as well as electronics being taken away for a week!.

I got into an argument with him and called him delusional because those mind games were getting ridiculous and besides, it's not like my son stole anything from him, he just failed his stupid test and kids make mistakes and learn.

He still talked about how this is about principles and that he's trying to teach my kids to become decent adults, but I thought this has gone too far.

I refused to let him punish him now he's calling me an enabler and said that this attitude won't be of much help when we get married because it undermines his authority as a parent, and enables unacceptable behaviors from my kids.

He said and I qoute 'I will not tolerate having greedy and dishonest individuals live under my roof'.


Standard-Park says:

YTA. For allowing him to emotionally abuse your children.

cassity282 says:

ESH. you for dating this man. for aloweing him anywhere neer your kids. and im horrified to learn that he is a teacher.

cbm984 says:

Yes! Why oh why are you with this man??? How is yelling 'Who wants Skittles!' and seeing who comes running a test??? Hell. I'D come running and I'm 37!

Misha2468 says:

You are TA if you stay with him. These are your kids and his tests are psychologically damaging.

Imagine how your kids feel - they are probably on egg shells because of the antics of your fiancé. This is not only going to lead to issues for them, but you could end up in court with your ex.

BitiumRibbon says:

I'm also a teacher. In this line of work, you tend to see the adults divide into two camps: the ones who are there for the kids, and the ones who are not. The ones who are there for the kids are the ones looking for the positives, giving kids opportunities to succeed, setting them up to be as confident and successful as possible.

The other ones...well, they assume exclusively negative intentions from kids, try to trip them up or trick them, and constantly compete to be right. They get off on control and authority and have no real respect for the fact that their students are human beings.

Your husband appears to be in that second camp, and I really, really don't like it. He's expecting--maybe even perversely wanting--your kids to fail, and setting them up so they have virtually no choice but to meet that expectation every time.

Minimum-Green5187 says:

As You typed this out, did you not realize how insane this man is and dangerous to have around your children? By the time you hit post, he should have been your Ex-fiancé

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