My husband and I (54) set up college funds for each of our children before they were born. We've been quite lucky and now each account could pay for four years of private college, easily.
The issue is with our eldest (24f), let's call her Natasha. She's married to her wife (Miriam), who is a nice girl but has no ambition whatsoever. We split the cost of the wedding with her parents. Miriam has a masters, but her job is something with little kids on the spectrum, and it's only part time. She also has a condition that I don't want to get into too much here that makes her more burdensome.
We paid for Natasha's college out of pocket, reasoning we can save the college fund for grandkids, etc. She first got a job when she graduated, but then she wanted to go to grad school. We said OK! We will pay for your grad school as long as you study hard and be responsible.