Mom demands daughter pay rent after getting job; husband thinks she being an AH.

I (50f) told my daughter (24f) she needs to pay rent. She got out of college in February and struggled to find job until October. I supported her during the job hunt and she's been living back home rent free. I was excited for her for finally finding the job, especially when it is surprisingly well paying.

She told she won't get paid until late this month. I said it was fine but she still needs to pay rent.

The other day she told me she planned a trip with her friends and was saving for a plane tickets. I reminded her again she still needs to pay rent, as it felt like she's trying to avoid rent so she could save money for trip. She told me she'd pay the rent, but deducting her credit card bill.

Apparently she wanted me to pay her credit card bill first then keep the rest as rent. I told her it was unacceptable. She rolled her eyes and tried to walk away. In the heat of the moment, I said some unfortunate things. At the end of the fight, she finally agreed to pay the rent and her own credit card bill.

My daughter has became extremely distant since. She started working overtime almost all week. I tried to talked to her, I even told her she can keep her original plan but she just kept fixating on the things I've said. Either ignoring my message or telling me how I've misunderstood her and made her felt bad.

My husband thinks I'm the AH because he thinks our daughter was already stressed and I kept reminding her for rent money she didn't have. Demanding rent in a fight made me the villain. Today she handed me a stack of cash, rent and credit card bill included. I tried to tell her the money will be in a family savings account.

She rolled her eyes and said she doesn't care. She then cut up the credit card I was managing the bills for. My husband gave me a I told you so look. I honestly don't think I deserve any of these treatment. I love my daughter very much but I can't help but wonder if my husband was right. AITA?

Questions, answers, comments, and info:

INFO from OP: A lot of people asked what 'unfortunate things' I said in the fight, so I'll answer here. It was in the heat of the moment. I may have called her a bad or a shitty person. But that was IT. I did not cross the line.

pro-frog asks:

INFO: Do you know why she's working overtime? How much is her credit card bill, and how did it get to that point? How much is her rent, and how was it calculated?

Difficult to say whether you're being unfair or not without some numbers. I get the sense that this story would read pretty differently from your daughter's perspective, and that the truth of it would be somewhere in between.

Big_Start4986 OP says:

I don't know why she's working overtime. Probably to avoid me. The rent is average in the broader city. She won't be able to find a decent rental in this location however so I won't say it's unfair.

The credit card plus the rent is only about a third of her income if she didn't lie to me about how much she's making. She can eat and use anything in the house. I just want her to understand she needs to contribute to the family!

Harry7411 says:

YTA. It’s reasonable to ask an adult child to pay rent. But you could have given her a little grace time to get on her feet. Sounds like you were basically demanding her entire first paycheck. She had to work a bunch of overtime to pay you.

AirAggravating8714 says:

If daughter is already planning a trip with friends, I think its fair that she should pay rent since she's been living off her parents this whole time. They even gave her a credit card that she was using that they were paying off for her. Could they have communicated better?