Mom disinvites 'niece' from trick-or-treating for telling daughter about miscarriage.
"AITA for disinviting my “niece” to go trick-or-treating with us after a comment she made to my daughter?"
I, 41F, told my niece(10), several weeks ago she could go trick or treating with us. Last week, she came over after school to play with my daughter(10). After about an hour of playing, my daughter comes out of her room in tears. I asked her what was wrong, and she said “niece told me you unalived my little brother.”
I had a miscarriage several years ago. It was an extremely traumatizing experience as I almost died in the process. Daughter knows the truth, but it still hurt her to hear niece say that. I asked niece to come have a discussion with me as to why she would say such a thing. Her response was “Well, it’s true. Baby B died in you, so you unalived him.”
I asked her where she heard that and her direct response was, “My mom told me that’s what happened.” She promptly left the room. I called her mom to come pick her up early, as my daughter was not in the mood to be around niece anymore. When mom arrived, I let her know the situation. Mom said, “Well, it’s not a lie. Baby B did died inside you.
That in turn means you unalived him.” At that point I had enough and made them both leave my house, but not before telling niece she was no longer coming trick or treating with us. Her mom started to yell as she walked to her car, that I’m a horrible person for not letting niece go with us anymore.
Her mom is now, calling my mom to try and convince me to change me mind. That’s not happening. So, am I the a**hole??
Edit: My 'niece's' mom isn’t my sister. She’s a family friend. Our girls have been together since they were born. Her mom likes to put blame on people where blame should never be.
Comments:
kanna172014 says:
'Unalived'? A 10-year old is old enough to know what 'killed' means. This post is unbelievable.
IronFancy9420 OP responded:
I wrote “unalive”, as I didn’t know if this would post with the word “kill”. She actually said I killed...
unknown_928121 asks:
Is your daughter okay? Are you feeling okay after that conversation? Honestly I'm upset just reading this post, you are nta and I hope you cut contact with these ... people
IronFancy9420 OP responded:
Daughter is doing better. She knows the truth which is why effected her so much. We didn’t hide it from her. I was very amped up after they left. I’m doing better than I was when it happened. They were very lucky my hubby wasn’t home when this happened.
ohno_spaghetti_o says:
Did you want a suggestion for explaining in kid language to your daughter how miscarriages are an act of nature and it hurts to be blamed? I have a good example of 'eggs not hatching'. The other one I have heard is about how 'not all cakes rise'. And you only know that after the cake is in the oven.
IronFancy9420 OP responded:
Thank you. Our 10yo knows what happened. We used age appropriate language to talk to her about it. The older she gets the more questions she has. She was upset with how niece said it to her because she knew it wasn’t the truth.
UnusuallyScented says:
'She is a family friend.' She is not much of a friend. Stay away from such people.
crystallz2000 says:
NTA. OP, I think this friendship has run its course. You see how your 'friend' talks about you when you're not around. You see she doesn't care how much what she said hurt you. And she was perfectly okay with her daughter hurting your child. I'd block her on everything and move on with your life.