Mom gets revenge on ex and stepmom for 'stealing' her son's clothes. AITA?
When this mom feels embarrassed in a co-parenting situation, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for sending my son to his father's house in ratty clothes?'
I have my son 50% of the time. It's the way my ex wanted so he didn't have to pay child support. We live in the same neighborhood so it isn't really a big deal. Our houses are only ten blocks apart.
My ex has remarried and has a stepson that is two years younger than our sin but about the same size. The problem is that my son has been coming home wearing clothes that are more suited to a younger boy.
When his clothes get dirty, instead of washing them or giving them.back to me dirty, they dress him in his stepbrother's clothes. I was nice and I would wash them and send them back and dress my son in his clothes.
After a few months if this I gave up. He wore his brand new Minecraft t-shirt over and came home with a plain t-shirt. I went over and asked for all of my son's clothes that they had. I waited while they collected everything.
They brought it out to the car and said I was being an AH because they are brothers and it is normal to share clothes. I started sending my son there in only his ratty clothes. Torn jeans, stained shirts. That sort of thing.
Now they are mad because 'it looks like they are poor' and they are having to buy him clothes. Since he has 50% custody he is supposed to be doing that anyways. My son is happier because he has nice clothes here and there now. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
floodykniffer writes:
NTA. I have seen this so many times, both in my friends' families and when I did family law work. Parent A buys child clothes, Parent B keeps them and sends child back with beat up clothes.
Sometimes Parent B deliberately keeps the nicest stuff so child looks good when Parent B takes them places, and Parent A has to buy more or be one-upped. Parent B never buys clothes for child, despite an equal obligation, and relies on Parent A to supply everything.
This particularly happens when child outgrows winter outerwear and needs boots/coats/snowpants.
You are under no obligation to send your child in 'nice' clothes, or contribute to the wardrobe of his step brother. A lot of not great coparenting situations tend to end up with kids having separate wardrobes for each house because one mooches or is untrustworthy.
planktonlover3 writes:
NTA but consider buying a set of clothes as travel clothes - remind your kiddo that they need to return to yours in those clothes, dirty or not. This is what I do for mine, even when they were 3 and 5 they knew to change clothes for the journey.
They still end up leaving pants and socks at their dad's regularly so I have to remind him to bag them all up once a month or so but it's a lot easier and less stressful than all the nice, well fitting clothes I buy ending up at his and loads of ratty too small clothes being at mine.
sansvin writes:
NTA. And this is a good rationale while even when sharing custody 50/50, there needs to be a firm agreement on how school expenses, extracurriculars, medical bills, and clothes are to be handled. I've heard too many cases where this situation happened exactly as described with one coparent taking no responsibility for all the expenses that come with having child other than housing and utilities.