Mom asks husband to skip boys trip because of baby, he goes anyways, she's mad. AITA?

"AITA for not cancelling a boys trip upon my wife’s request?"

So here is the backstory. Me (33m) and my wife (32f) have a 1 year old son. Back when he was 5 months old, my friends and I began planning an annual golf trip, that would take place 6 months later. As soon as we had tentative dates and location, I asked my wife if it was okay to go. She gave me approval and I began to plan. I found an Airbnb and booked flights.

Fast forward to 5 months later, a couple of weeks before the trip. Our son was in the midst of a sleep regression and he was waking up several times each night. My wife still breastfed him and he would not accept me when he’d wake up upset. As a result, she was left doing all of the tending to him during the nights.

One day she approached me and said she didn’t want me to go anymore and that I needed to stay home because she was afraid it would be too much for her alone. I told her that I understood why she was anxious about it but she had agreed to me going already, and Id committed about $1k plus had the Airbnb in my name for all 12 of us.

This evolved into an argument and she was very mad that I would not change my mind. I told her that I’d gladly return the favor on a trip if she wanted to plan one, and encouraged her to do so. During my trip, she sent me texts and called me, very upset. When I returned home we had another argument about it.

We’ve since reconciled but I know her stance on it has not changed, nor has mine. AITA?

EDIT: I’ve been asked to comment on length of trip and if I coordinated help for her before I left. I did coordinate help but she wasn’t comfortable with someone else watching him at that point. The trip was 2 days, 3 nights.

People weighed in with their hot takes.

allycat1229 wrote:

NTA. Does she not have family nearby? Do you not have family nearby? Did you take all of the other people she knows on the trip with you? She had plenty of notice to even arrange an out-of-town visit for help at the point where your kid started his sleep regression.

Wasting that amount of money is insane to me and seeing the number of Y T A votes in this thread is staggering. I'm a mom and I flat out sent her father on a trip while she was in a sleep regression because having him around being effectively useless since she only wanted me made everything approximately 100x harder emotionally and mentally.

Accomplished-Mud2840 wrote:

NTA. And honestly, I don’t understand all these people on Reddit that can’t handle taking care of a kid by themselves. I know this comment will cause me to have downvotes but it’s okay. Like okay she can put the kid in bed with her and breastfeed the baby there.

Then she can nap throughout the day. What happens if the husband was on a business trip? She will be okay. But when you get back make sure you take the baby for a couple of days.

oodlesofotters wrote:

INFO: did you try to find or arrange anyone that could help her out while you were gone?

NTA. Updated based on the edit. I know it can be hard to trust anyone with a baby, but I feel like having a friend, family member or well-vetted babysitter come to help out for a few hours each day he was gone so she could take a nap was the most reasonable option, as this was a long planned trip where money would be lost if they canceled.

huggie1 wrote:

NTA. Sleep 'regression' is tough to deal with, but it's not an emergency. As a mom of three I have spent years tied down breastfeeding and tending to one infant after another while my husband traveled for work at least half the month. The wife in this story has taken a vacation from their ONE child, but somehow when it's the father's turn he's an AH for wanting to go?

I feel sorry for him, his wife is such a snowflake that she can't hunker down for a week or so, take naps when the child does, etc. Or call friends and family if she needs a break while her husband is away.

YourStalker222 wrote:

I'll get downvoted, but NTA. While it would have been better if you could have stayed home, he already had a grand+ committed, so it would be better to make good use of it. You also returned the favor via a trip for her, and seem to be doing more to take care of your kid judging by your comments.

Also, people in the comments are complaining about the baby often being left to your wife, but the baby refuses your care. For next time, don't make these kind of commitments 6 months in advance, or else problems will for sure come up.

OP is definitely NTA here, it just sounds like they're in a difficult phase of parenting.