Mom vetoes every request 'selfish' daughter has for her bday; called a 'crappy mom'.

'AITA for not being able to give my daughter the birthday that she wants?'

RoadTrip6 writes:

My daughter is turning 15 in a few days. Money is a bit tight, so I told her we can't afford a birthday party this year. Instead we can buy a cake, a gift, and go out for dinner. She threw a tantrum over not getting a birthday party but finally got over it.

She told me she wants a peanut butter chocolate cake, a tablet and wants to go to an Indian restaurant.

I told her she is being unreasonable, she knows her brother is allergic to peanut butter. I even offered to buy her a cupcake, but she insisted on having a cake so I said fine, you are getting a chocolate cake then.

We had another argument over the gifts because I can't really afford a tablet, so I asked her to choose something else. But she wouldn't choose, so I bought a new phone case for her, then we had another argument.

She knows neither me nor any of her siblings eat Indian food so I told her we'll go to her favorite fastfood instead.

She threw another tantrum and called me an a-hole and said 'Fine have fun then. I'm not coming'. She then called her dad and left with him.

I've been trying to talk to her but the only thing she says is that she is not coming with us and won't talk to me.

AeronwenTrewent sums it up:

So you said she cannot have a party but:
She can have cake - but not the one she wants.
She can have a gift - but not the one she wants.
She can have a meal out - but not the one she wants

Just wondering if money is just as tight when its her brother's birthday?

Mobile_Prune_3207 rules:

EHS (Everyone here sucks), you moreso - it's her birthday so it should be about what she wants. Her siblings can suck it up and just eat the food. Her brother can be the one to get a cupcake. You essentially took her birthday away from her and made it about her siblings.

She sucks in that she isn't grateful for the gift and is insisting on the tablet knowing you can't afford it. She is old enough to know about finances and that money doesn't grow on trees to get whatever you want. But that's the extent of the EHS judgement on her side.

OP says:

Well what she wants is unreasonable. I never have these kind of problems with my other kids. They choose things everyone can eat. She is being selfish.

And she adds, regarding the brother:

He is 4. Try keeping a 4 year old away from cake.

Mobile_Prune_3207 answers.

That's your job. To teach him.

panic_bread piles on:

It’s not that hard. Tell him no.

And OP fires back:

If my teenage daughter doesn't understand no, how can I expect my toddler son to understand it?

MiaW07 replies:

The next 'No' the daughter will understandably execute is 'No Contact' the moment she turns 18 (if not sooner). OP is telling everyone she hates her daughter, without using the words 'I hate you.'

VictorianPlatypus writes:

YTA. Okay, you can't afford a party or a tablet, that does not make you an AH. But you have not indicated that your son is so allergic to peanuts that he can't be in the same room as a peanut butter chocolate cake, especially because you said she could have a cupcake.

It's her birthday, get her the cake she wants and get him the cupcake. As for this whole business about keeping a kid out of a cake being hard, you should be teaching that anyway, but especially for a kid with an allergy.

And you haven't even tried to accommodate her on the Indian food. No one else likes Indian. Well, it's her birthday. What can be done here? If her siblings won't eat it, is there a family member who will watch her siblings while you take her to an Indian place?

Surely you, as an adult, can suck it up for one meal on your daughter's birthday to make her happy, right? Or, maybe you get her Indian takeout and pizza for everyone else and eat at home.

The message you are sending here is that everyone else comes before your daughter, so I'm not at all surprised she went to her dad if he makes her feel valued. You won't even make her feel valued and special on her own birthday.

amish__ asks:

Not sure why between you and the father you can't afford a party. Sleepovers are cheaper than going out for dinner. What are you not telling us?

OP responds, with the most telling answer of all:

That her dad is an a-hole who enjoys playing the hero. He will now throw her a very big party to show her how much he is better than me.

Glitter_Voldemort gets it now:

Ah, there it is. Her dad treats her well and you resent her for it, so you’re punishing her by going out of your way to make her birthday “celebration” with you as miserable as possible. YTA.

mdsnbelle has a theory:

My guess is that this daughter is the only one of her kids OP had with this dad. The others (sounds like they’re plural) are with the guy she left dad for, who clearly left her somewhere along the way. So OP resents her daughter’s dad for supporting her and only her and not these randos.

AnyBioMedGeek doesn't hold back:

You sound like a pretty crappy mom tbh. Don’t take your own marital issues out on the daddy-daughter relationship. Work with him for the best interests of your freaking daughter because she should matter more than your pride. So what if he throws her a party?? You should be happy she gets a nice birthday.

PS: Pretty sure it isn’t just the party hero thing that makes her run to daddy. How hard would it have been to get Indian take out for her and buy the small cupcake for the son so she could have the cake she wanted??

Wow. There is a lot of resentment in this family.

But it seems like OP may be the culprit. Let's hope she can find it in her heart to come to the birthday party Dad is throwing for her! Unless they serve Indian food, of course.