Mom wants to keep daughter home from college another year because she's 'immature.'
Watching your kid grow their wings and leave the nest is hard for any parent.
You desperately want your child to thrive and succeed in the world, but there's no guaranteed way to make this happen. Some people give their older teenagers free rein of their choices so they can learn through trial and error, while others structure things to protect their kids up until they leave the house. There's truly no one way.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she was wrong for telling her daughter not to bother applying for college. She wrote:
AITA? I told my daughter not to bother applying for college.
I am F35 and have a 16-year-old daughter. My daughter has a late birthday (early/mid December), so she is going into her senior year of high school. She is a very smart girl and I'm proud of what she's accomplished. But she's also young and naive in a lot of ways. She's easily manipulated. She doesn't pay much attention to her surroundings. She can't stand up for herself.
She constantly still calls or texts myself and her father for help with things. More recently, I've also been concerned about her doing dangerous things or submitting to peer pressure from her 'friends'. I've met them and they are not good kids. I've told her to stop talking to them but she refuses and tries to go behind my back.
For these reasons (among others), her father and I have decided that we are not going to let her go off to college as long as she's a minor under our care. This means that she won't be going in fall 2024 because she doesn't turn 18 until that December. I am not trying to stifle her, but I do want her to be safe. She was recently talking about starting to fill out college applications and I told her not to bother.
I explained that we weren't letting her go until she's old enough to make that decision for herself. She started crying and yelling at me but I refused to budge. I don't think I'm being unreasonable and honestly, her reaction is more evidence of immaturity. But apparently, she texted her Aunt who has been calling me an AH. Am I the AH?
Edit: people seem to think that I will not allow her to go to college at all. I am absolutely willing to let her go to college once she's 18 and we will pay for it, wherever she wants to go (we have the means).
Redditors had plenty of questions and comments.
dusktrail wrote:
How does infantilizing her help her learn to be independent? How does stifling her help her development?
YTA.
Beautiful-777 wrote:
YTA. I have a late birthday as well, and was very naive in high school. College is what made me mature into the young adult I am now. What I can't get over is the way you discuss her calling you and your husband as if it’s bothersome. I call my parents at least 2 times a day just to hear their voices because I love them and I miss them. It sounds like you can barely even stand your daughter.
At the rate you're going, she’s going to apply behind you’re back and never speak to either of you again. And good for her if she does. Reevaluate your way of thinking and try to have some faith in your child.
RB1327 wrote:
YTA now. A December birthday in a lot of school systems is past the cutoff to attend for that year. So as a little kid, why wasn't she held until the following school year (where she would have been slightly older compared to her class, not younger)?
--->You made that decision then, too late now to change the timeline.
sekhenet wrote:
YTA, stop helicopter parenting your daughter. A few months more at home won't make her more mature, college will.
blackgirlmagicplz wrote:
YTA. You were a lazy parent who didn’t teach your child these things and now want to punish her for not knowing them? College is also a good place to learn all of this before she gets to the real world and someone takes advantage of her naïveté. Or you could work on those skills now. But I guess sheltering her and ruining her relationship with y’all is easier. You don’t magically gain all life skills at 18.
Clearly, OP is TA here, forcing her daughter to stay home longer is the opposite of teaching her independence.