Mom leaves husband alone with kids for two days to prove she doesn't have it 'easy.'

"AITA for leaving my husband alone with the kids for two days?"

I (24f) have two sets of twins first set are 5 years old boys and the second set are 3-year-old girls. My husband (27) always complains that the house isn't up to his standards and that it's a mess or that I sometimes put on frozen meals instead of cooking a fresh dinner.

It's super irritating because I'm expected to do everything just because I work from home he thinks that I have an easier job than his which is physical labor. I can never do anything because when he has time off all he wants to do is sleep and says he needs it because he is exhausted from work or he wants to use his break to hang with his friends.

So basically all the chores are usually thrown on me. I had enough of it. When my friend called me to hang out and I asked my husband to watch them so I can go out, he ranted about how 'he's tired' and been working all week. He said the least I could do is watch the children so that he could get some rest because I'm home all day with easy work.

So I decided after I put the children to sleep that night to leave a note saying that I'll be out. I just left and had a night out with the girls which ended up turning into a weekend out with the girls.

When morning time came he was calling and texting me nonstop and when I answered he was yelling at me and cursing me out when my friends overheard the conversation they were shocked and hung up the phone for me and told me to mute it.

I didn't have any plans to stay any longer than that night but when my friends overheard how my husband spoke to me they convinced me to stay and even told me they'd take me out to eat and planned a whole day for me.

When I got back the place was a complete and utter mess like pile full of dishes, garbage all over the place, floors were sticky, there was pee all over the toilet and the place just smelled awful.

My husband of course was angry and had a suitcase already packed he barely said two words to me and just left and texted me saying he'll be staying at his moms. Now I feel horrible because clearly he couldn't handle taking care of the kids for this long by himself and I feel like an a**hole and don't want this to ruin my marriage. Do you all think I'm an a**hole for the way I acted?

OP gave this info in the comments:

My husband was there, he just went to bed before all the children did.

I left the note right on his night stand table on his phone so it'd be hard for him not to notice.

I am a software developer and I work about 40 hours per week while caring for my younger 2 as they are not in school yet and my husband dislikes the idea of daycare.

My husband works as a construction laborer and he works about 40 hour per week as well.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

DoraTheUrbanExplorer wrote:

NTA. But honey RUIN THIS MARRIAGE. You work full time, take care of 4 kids under 6, cook and keep the house clean FULL TIME? He expects to come home to a home cooked meal? Sleep when he's home? Hang out with his friends?

This is not a marriage, it's a joke. He is providing you 0 support and then whining when asked to help at all, or when things aren't perfect. It doesn't matter if your job is easier or not (it's probably not easier just different) he's not entitled to mooch off of you. Honey forget this. You can do it on your own.

srgonzo75 wrote:

NTA. I don’t know what your husband does, but you have four children in the house. Unless he’s springing for a maid and/or a nanny, you’re working 16 hours to his eight, assuming you both get eight hours of sleep (I’ll bet you don’t). You may love him, but he clearly doesn’t respect the effort you’re putting in.

LeisurelyLife710 wrote:

WHAT?!?! Are you serious? NTA. Your husband is a f**king a**hole to the hundredth degree. Does he realize he has 4 children and he is responsible for physically taking care of them as well as being financially responsible for them? Is he one of those men who think they don’t have to contribute anything except money to the relationship and household?

Because he sounds like a terrible partner and a pretty terrible dad, too. I don’t know if he’s always been this way or it’s new, but you need to find a way to set him straight. It’s not solely your job to raise your children, it’s both of yours. If he can have time to hang out with friends, so can you.

I don’t know why people put up with sh**ty partners like this, but please realize your worth and make your partner realize your worth because you deserve so much better than this bul^%**t.

Emergency-Variation6 wrote:

You're NTA for leaving him alone with his kids. YTA for not telling him why and not planning for it. I left mine for 7 days for the same crap. I did it on purpose. He seemed to think I sat around the house watching Oprah and eating bon bons (his words). I went on strike.

I didn't do a piece of his laundry. I didn't serve him a meal. I didn't buy a single thing for him to eat. I didn't clean up any of his messes. He tried to get the kids to do some of it for him but he was just play time dad to them and they pretty much laughed in his face and went off to play.

You needed the time away, I'm sure. But now you both need to talk about realistic expectations. Just because you work from home doesn't mean you aren't deserving of a break. Just because he works out of the house means his day is done when he gets home.