When this mom is at odds with her husband after letting their teenage daughter drink alcohol, she asks Reddit:
Last night, I (F46) had a glass of wine while watching a movie with my daughter (F16), and she asked me if she could try some.
Normally, I'm strict with my children when it comes to alcoholic beverages, but I didn't think a little wine would hurt, so I poured her a glass. I told her that this would be a once-in-a-blue-moon exception.
My husband (M48), on the other hand, was not okay with this. When he came into the living room and saw her with the wine in her hand, he lost his mind. His family actually does have a tragic past with alcohol. When he was 7 years old, his father ODed on Christmas Eve night.
He started shouting at me, asking why the hell I let her drink alcohol underaged, how dare you, and said she could easily become addicted to it. I immediately felt bad and apologized, but my husband is still pissed with me over this. I don't think he trusts me anymore. AITA?
NTA This is the perfect way to introduce your daughter to alcohol— it’s a safe, controlled environment with people (her parent) she trusts most in the world.
You want her to learn healthy habits and drinking in moderation with you right next to her removes a lot of the appeal of alcohol. You’re taking away any lingering mystique or stigma. If it’s not forbidden or an “adult thing” she’s not allowed near/trusted with then it looses a lot of the appeal.
I think you and your husband need to have a conversation about how you’re going to introduce alcohol to your kids. She’s already 16, if she hasn’t had it with friends by now, then she will soon.
And keeping it as some kind of forbidden fruit until she’s 21 only makes it more likely she’ll hide it from you rather than feeling comfortable sitting next to you every now and then sharing a glass of wine.
Binge drinking is a real issue, especially in college, and a lot of it stems from how we treat alcohol as something that’s to be hidden.
Moreover, it’s a little alarming that your husbands first reaction was to yell at you. We only have this scene to go on, but jumping straight to “she could get addicted” from a single glass of wine shared with her mother, seems like either a huge reach or like there’s something deeper behind it.
Edit: OP said in a comment below that husband’s family has a history of substance abuse, so I understand why husband had such a reaction now. It must’ve brought up a lot of painful memories that he wasnt expecting (since they previously hadn’t let daughter have alcohol, presumably due to her age).
I'm going against the grain here but YTA. Not because you introduced her to wine, plenty of us would say that this is exactly the healthiest way to teach older kids to have a responsible relationship with alcohol before they leave home and are on their own.
But she is underage and you have a coparent who this should have been discussed with. I think to deny them any input on a decision like serving alcohol to your minor child for the first time was a mistake worth apologizing for.
NTA. If you lived practically anywhere in Europe, it would be part of every day life. It’s one glass of wine and you allowing her to partake takes away a lot of the mysticism surrounding alcohol. Neither of my kids are particularly interested in alcohol, I firmly believe that’s because I allowed it for special occasions(when they were underage).
YTA but not necessarily for giving your daughter the glass of wine. That step (introducing the teens to alcohol/handling alcohol) should have been talked about with your spouse BEFORE offering.
Both parents need to be on the same page when it comes to something significant like that (and yes, it IS significantly especially if either parent comes from history of alcohol abuse). From reading the comments, I can understand why your husband freaked out upon just seeing your daughter with alcohol without warning.