'AITA for letting my 17yo daughter sneak out without telling my husband?' UPDATED
"AITA for letting my 17yo daughter sneak out without telling my husband?"
My daughter turns 18 in a couple of months. She came to me and asked if she could have the experience of sneaking out. She told me who she would be with, what she would be doing and when. I said yes. I did not tell my husband, her stepdad. Well, she didn’t put her screen back on the window.
When my husband noticed he came to talk to me about it. I told him that I gave her permission to sneak out. He wants to punish her. I said no because I gave her permission. He is really upset and it looks like this is going to ruin Thanksgiving. She’s a good kid, currently has all A’s. He has been in her life since she was 5, and we sometimes butt heads about parenting styles. I just wanted to ask AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
somethinglucky07 wrote:
I'm sorry, the idea of a daughter asking for permission to "sneak out" is just so cute! Good kids trying to be bad and have a tiny rebellious phase!
NTA - I think the things to ask your husband are: 1- is he upset that you gave her permission to go out with friends without his knowing? If so, his issue is with you, not her.
2- is he upset that she crawled out the window instead of using the door? Because if the answer to 1 is no, if you've given her permission to go out before without running it by him, then the issue really becomes that she used a window instead of a door. Is that really a thing to punish a kid for?
Honestly, he should show her how to reattach the screen, and then be grateful that he has a kid whose biggest rebellious phase is checking with her mom before going out with friends, and then using the window instead of the door when she leaves. Let's put this in perspective here!
SushiGuacDNA wrote:
NTA. I love the idea of giving her a very light punishment for not replacing the screen. I mean, the whole point of "sneaking" is to not be caught, and she failed. However, your husband deserves a serious spanking.
And OP responded:
I’m not sure how this spiraled. He’s very hung up on the idea that I’m now a liar. Lying by omission.
secret_identity_too had a crucial question:
NTA. Why does he even want to punish her? She asked permission, for crying out loud. Did she, like, climb down the lattice on the side of the house like in 80s movies? Could she have gotten hurt on her way out? That's the only thing I can imagine he'd be upset about.
And OP responded:
No climbing down the house, it’s a one story. Once the window is up, you can just step out. Nothing dangerous. He’s very black and white. So to him sneaking out is wrong and I’m a bad parent for allowing her to do so.
Abittwitchy wrote:
NTA. That's adorable. I can only pray my daughter is that sweet when she's a teenager. The stepdad is being a jack*ss though. You're the mom, you made the call, if he wants to be grumpy he should grump at you and not the kid.
But frankly, it's cute and he just needs to calm the eff down. Your kid. Your choice. If you do let her be punished, then you're a huge A. But I get the feeling you're not gonna let that happen.
VenoVlade wrote:
NTA, what a blessing to have kids that ask you before breaking a rule hahaha. As teens go, you have a diamond! I remember being scared to tell my parents about anything when I was a teen.
And OP responded:
I think that’s the relationship my husband might end of up having with all of our children. When there is an issue I want them to be able to come to me and asks for help. I don’t want them to be scared to tell my they messed up. We have very different parenting styles.
After lots of back-and-forth OP jumped on with a big update:
Update: He has calmed down now. He no longer wants to punish her. But his feelings are hurt.