'WIBTA if my husband cuts ties his family over them calling cps and the cops?'
"WIBTA if my husband cuts ties his family over them calling cps and the cops?"
Me f(21) and my m (23) husband have a son (7 months) our house gets messy not gonna lie yes we have trash (like pizza box on the counter or a takeout bag occasionally and our counters get full with mail or whatever.
But we always do our best to clean the place up and make sure its safe for our son, a few days ago i decided it was time to deep clean and baby proof everything.
So to babyproof I absolutely destroyed the house i had stuff from the bathroom in the living room, trash/unsafe items in a huge box to throw out and clothes scattered into piles (get rid of, keep, and dirty) i ran out of trashbags so i asked my husband's mom.
If she had spare to bring she brought some and ended up bringing my brother in law and his wife to see the baby i warned her before she got there that it was a absolute mess because were deep cleaning and rearranging, everything was fine they played with my son and left.
A day later the police show up at my door saying they wanted a wellness check on my son because he was "crying for hours" (he didnt cry that night and cried for like 3 mins while i made him a bottle).
The cops said “he seems perfectly fine and healthy and no crying” and even gave us advice if he does start crying they left and we thought nothing of it probably a annoyed neighbor or someone being petty whatever not a huge deal of so we thought.
2 days later after babyproofing i get woken up to a call from cps saying there were allegations made. are you kidding me? i asked if it was because the wellness call and she said no, they didnt even know about the police showing up days prior anyways fast forward a few hours cps shows up she takes 2 steps inside and looks confused then says.
“Before i read this can i just take a look around” she does a quick look not even more than a few seconds in each room before coming to the living room sitting down on the couch she says “clearly what i have here is false and to be honest i was scared walking into this one” she proceeds to tell us the accusations:
1.trash covering the floors to the point the ground isnt visable 2.toilet paper covered in feces all over the place 3.the bathtub full of feces 4.large boxes full of panda Express bags, moldy food, rusty items,20-30 soiled dipers and trash stacked in the hallway.
5.baby has no food and is fed curdled milk 6.baby sleeps in a roach infested crib 7.the baby has welts and open wounds on privates and legs 8.baby is left unintended 90% of the time.
(The list apparently keeps going but she stops and says that its clearly all false and theres no reason to continue because of how outrageous and bad these accusations are- YES WORSE THAN A BATHTUB FULL OF SH&T APPARENTLY!! )
They tell me the case will close and askes personal question routine stuff BUT this is how I KNOW for a fact it was either mil, sister and brother in law or mil’s boyfriend bc the detail of what was in my trash (besides the lies about diapers and mold rusty items).
And the placement of the box could only be the people who were in my house days prior when i was cleaning no one else could have possibly knew that bc we didnt have people over nor open our door (very introverted plus who wants nosey neighbors looking into your house).
I contacted brother in law and asked if they called they said no, and said did mil? They said no and my husband said if it was mil (shes threated us with cps before bc son had a fever and we were making him “suffer”) then she is no longer allowed to see our son, the brother said “if you keep mom from seeing him we’re disowning you.”
(We also figured out that the cops reported back to the caller and after they got the news he was ok they called cps bc they didnt like that the police didnt “step in” )
I thinks my hubby should go off on all of them and cut ties due to the behavior, the accusation and already rocky relationship prior to this but we already know theyre going to spin it and say we’re aholes to the rest of his relatives. Idk I'm so mad. So would we be the assholes if we cut ties with them. AITA? WWBTA?
Let's see what readers thought about this one. They had a lot of opinions and advice for OP.
louisalavon writes:
Sweet heaven above. Why didn’t his parents offer you support instead of calling cops and CPS ? The result could have been disastrous. You could have lost custody of your child.
That is an act of war. The threat of grandparents rights or CPS - never mind when they actually go ahead and take action ! - needs to be followed up with instant no contact. That’s what you should do OP. No drama llama - no telling them why ( you have to be careful about giving them ammunition ) just instant no contact.
They are dead to you. You don’t answer calls or texts. You don’t answer the door if they call. You see them on the street you ignore them totally. If they send messages don’t respond to them - keep them as evidence.
It’s essential because you know they will do it again - what’s the end game here ? Do they want to take your child away? Honey I’ve been a young mom and I get it and please no judgement from me. I’m telling you from the heart I know how hard it is and you’re doing a fine job.
Always be on your guard. Always. Have a full refrigerator and cupboards and keep that home clean and tidy. Because when they realise their stunt isn’t going to work you should expect CPS back. It is going to happen. Take care.
wflftr writes:
NTA You and your husband aren't the only ones these calls affect. They affect your child too. Imagine child going to school with kids whose parents say, "You can't play with that child.
You don't know what child's parents are like. Husband's own mother has had to call CPS on them." This probably won't be last time she calls. Now you know why she brought BIL and his wife so that she had witnesses to how bad your house looked because you told her on phone.
Going NC is best even if it means losing BIL family too. Since BIL is standing up for MIL after she called CPS on them too it's probably not a big loss. Hopefully one day you'll be able to move away from them.
levityargu writes:
NTA. I went through more than a decade of an active custody fight and I can tell you that if you had gotten a different worker this may have gone differently. I had one come in and look not even looking around the house but did flirt with my roommate and reported back bad conditions in my children's room.
And yet when she showed up in court during the custody file she couldn't describe my children's bedrooms.
She had never been in them. If your mother-in-law did this to you and she could have set you up to lose your son, the system doesn't always work correctly and they could have kept the case active and oversee what you were doing for quite some time if they chose to.
She needs to never have access to your children or your home again. And if your brother-in-law is threatening to disown you because you're standing up for your own family then you don't need these people in your lives in any way.
If your husband can't see this you need to get him to a therapist as quickly as possible and let him know that it's either you or his family because you will not put up with this crap.
samvinestrained writes:
NTA.Calling cops and CPS on you is a nuclear move. They wanted to ruin your lives.
Cutting them off is not so much punishing them, as much as it is protecting your family.
Also, have a call with the officers that visited you - and explain what happened, and what CPS told you - and say you believe one of these people (name them) is responsible for these false reports - and you`re afraid they will try again.
They may not take action, but this will start your papertrail. Cutting contact would upset some people enough to try more weirdness.