Mom questions if she should have put 'lying' daughter in therapy for OCD years ago.
When this mom doesn't know if she was a bad parent, she asks Reddit:
'AITA: my daughter complained behind my back to my son that I “refused” to take her to therapy for 2 years?'
My (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it).
My daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better. These rituals often required my husband and I to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy.
In middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband.
At one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive).
When she was in grade 7 I saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. I questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. I felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no.'
She intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. At that point I discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her.
I grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. She has more or lesss been in treatment since then.
My son recently asked me if I really “denied her medical treatment”. To me she is making it sound like I was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly.
We have paid for specialists and supported her for years and I think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility.
I am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it.
My daughter had a wonderful childhood and I hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. She has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful. AITA?
Let's find out.
animalime writes:
YTA. The guidance counselor bit sold me in particular—you literally did refuse to take her to the doctor, like she said, and then grounded her for lying? She told the truth. Until a few months later, by your account, you did refuse to take her.
And by the fact that she stayed in treatment after that, it sounds like she was right—not that that matters to whether or not you’re an ass hole. She was sneaky because you refused to help. You failed your daughter and yes, you’re an ass hole.
obiterdicta writes:
YTA. She's been showing anxious behavior and lying since she was 5 and you never thought to get her medical care until she was in the 9th grade.
How is she supposed to be open and talk to you when you accuse her of lying, read her personal diary and punish her for what you read when YOU snooped. You failed as a parent and you're blaming your daughter because you don't want to admit it.