My (F45) daughter (12) decided 2 weeks ago she wants to be a vegetarian. I was fine with that. I would support and encourage her if that's what she wanted. The past 2 weeks she has been looking down on the rest of the family with snooty comments like 'you know that will just sit in your colon right?'
And 'It doesn't make you THE murderer, but it def makes you the accomplice.' Her brother(7) is getting sick of it and so am I. Especially when I just get home from work and I just want to relax and enjoy my meal.
3 days ago was my sons birthday and we decided to take him out to his favorite restaurant. This place had vegetarian options so I was not worried about my daughter being upset about that. I asked her if she wanted to go and she excitedly said yes.
We get there and when the waiter takes out order, my daughter decided she wanted a mushroom burger. I said 'Woah, I thought you wanted to go vegetarian?' She says 'I'm taking a break since its a special occasion.' I told the waiter to cancel that order and give us a few minutes.
I looked at her and said 'Look here missy, you have been nothing but a jerk these last few days with your passive-aggressive commments since going vegan, vegetarian, whatever!
You either commit to it now or you get nothing at all.' She doesn't even look at me, she just flops her head on the table and starts crying the moment I start talking. My husband does nothing but says 'way to go'.
She doesn't move her head the entire dinner even when I ask if we need to talk outside? Go the the bathroom to collect herself? Nothing. We get home and she just goes to her room. My husband thinks im the AH because I had to ruin a night out. AITAH?
photosbeertech writes:
ESH. Your daughter was being rude, but you are focusing on the wrong issue. The issue is not that she is going back and forth about her dietary choices, the issue is that she is actively being rude to her brother and you.
Why didn’t you address her comments the first time she said something and give her an appropriate consequence then?
masterposs writes:
YTA. Demanding an instant commitment is ridiculous. Even adults have to explore their options in various ways as they consider committing to a lifestyle change. She’s 12. Starving her to punish her being rude isn’t productive, but it could lead to an eating disorder.
You should have given her appropriate consequences as soon as she started criticizing others. But punish her rudeness, don’t punish her for still being in the exploring phase.
senoritahuffstuff writes:
NTA. She's calling the whole family murderers, telling the whole family that they're killing themselves for eating meat, but the second she decides that SHE can be a murderer and SHE can kill herself with meat, no one is allowed to say anything? Nope.
You didn't starve her, she's been eating this whole time! And, if you ask her, she's eating BETTER than her whole family! But then she gets called out for her terrible attitude and is told to KEEP EATING the same things she's been eating this whole time, and she cries.
She's not crying because she's starving and just wanted a burger. She's crying because she was told to walk the walk if she's going to talk the talk. I don't think it was harsh and OP needs to sit the daughter down and teach about activism that actually helps the whole world, not just helps the one person feel important.