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Mom moves son to apartment so dad can't control him; he calls her 'unhinged.'

Mom moves son to apartment so dad can't control him; he calls her 'unhinged.'


AITA for moving my son into a rental apartment after finding out that his dad's been cancelling his job applications?

My son 'Aiden' (23) moved back in with us upon graduating college as my husband wanted. My husband's original plan was to have Aiden live with us for free, but stay home and help with his disabled younger brother (16).

Aiden started complaining about needing money and wanted to find a job. My husband was against this and even offered to double his allowance, but Aiden was growing tired of staying at home.

So he began looking for jobs here and there for over a year but non of his job applications came through. He'd just apply and they never get back to him. We were confused by this til recently, I found out that my husband was behind all the job applications being cancelled.

He waits until Aiden applies, and then he proceeds to cancel the application by impersonating him and using his email. I blew up at him, but his justification is that he's just trying to make sure that our younger son is cared for by Aiden and said that Aiden has been big help and him getting a job will affect his care for his brother.

I went ahead and rented an apartment for Aiden and told him to stay there til he finds a job and starts paying for it himself. Aiden was hurt upon knowing what his dad did. My husband was livid when he found out.

He called me unhinged and said that I was separating the boys and teaching Aiden to become selfish and care more about a job than family. He also said it was huge decision for me to rent an apartment without even running it with him.

He's been giving me hell about it and is calling me a terrible mother for encouraging Aiden to be selfish and self-centered. He said I needed to see and understand why he did what he did.

Updates from OP:

(1) My husband says that since he and I have health issues then we could use Aiden's help.

(2) When I suggested outside help, my husband refused saying he won't ask anything from anybody and that his son is his problem and no body else's.

(3) I used money from our joint account to pay for the rental apartment. My husband said it was wrong and that it was a major waste of money since we deal with medical bills consistenly.

Here's how people judged OP's situation:

tomjames206 writes:

NTA. Da fuq wrong with your husband?

Getting started as a young worker is crucial. He could stunt your son's entire life path with this bullshit. Long-term caregiving is no joke, and can cause major depression, but this is screamingly not the way to deal with the struggle he clearly is either having or worried about having with caring for your other child.

ThrowRA00924463 OP responded:

I believe he's scared and worried for our youngest son's future and where he'll end up. Unfortunately we can't ask family for help since we're in no contact.

iangel19 writes:

Nta. You did so right by your son and you are a good mother.

SlinkyMalinky20 writes:

NTA. Your husband is abusive to Aiden and honestly, creepy in his manipulations and insistence on Aiden being Dobby the house elf.

ittle_bear_is_ok writes:

NTA. Your husband is manipulative and self-centered and controlling. Good thing you got Aiden out of there, at least he has one parent.

If you didn´t you could have ended up wth a son that went no contact on both of you, since kids often see parents as a unified force to fight, if there is a major conflict. This is a major, major conflict, and you did the right thing. Be proud!

AggravatingSand8896 writes:

NTA - hopefully Aiden has changed his password (and maybe even set up a second 'secret' email for job applications in case daddy dearest manages to access the old one in some way).

ThrowRA00924463 OP responded:

He had no idea his dad was doing what he was doing. Otherwise he would've changed the whole email not just the password.

BroItsJesus writes:

NTA. Send the husband to the apartment and let Aiden come back

Sources: Reddit
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