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Mom refuses to support teen daughter's plan to become a stay-at-home parent. AITA?

Mom refuses to support teen daughter's plan to become a stay-at-home parent. AITA?


Being a parent can be a difficult balance between letting your kids grow into independent self-sufficient flowers on their own and telling them explicitly what not to do...

It's natural to want kids to avoid making big life mistakes, but sometimes there aren't any words of wisdom of 'teaching moments' that will stop them. So, when a conflicted mom consulted the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the A*shole' about her teen daughter's future plans, people were ready to help deem a verdict.

'AITA for telling my daughter that I absolutely do not support her ONLY wanting to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?'

I don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. It's not like that. I get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense.

What I have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to only become a SAHM. As in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come.

I told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. But that she needs to do something to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids.

Her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. We would help them survive. I told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? She said 'I don't know, Mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen.'

I told her bluntly that I don't want her becoming Nancy Botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she needs to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. I emphasized that again, it does not need to be college.

She can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. She can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. But she says no, she's going to plan to be a SAHM.

With that all in mind, I asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? She said 'Just try to find a husband. Maybe marry someone in the military.' I asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? Her rent?

She said she assumed she would be living at home. I told her no, and that she would be moving out. She could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification.

But that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. This didn't go over well, and I am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge b*tch, etc.

I don't think I'm wrong at all. I want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. If this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, I don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

thanudeastronomer said:

NTA, her expectations for life are unrealistic. You're doing your part as a parent and showing her that. Her entitlement is astounding.

acreativeaccountant said:

NTA. In high school, I also wanted to be a SAHM. Unfortunately, that’s not where my life took me. I’m 33, single, and childless. Sometimes our plans don’t work out and that’s ok. She really needs to make a plan to be able to take care of herself regardless of becoming a SAHM.

tuppence_a_bag98 said:

NTA, she is being delusional. You are being perfectly reasonable.

[deleted] said:

NTA I'll admit I was ready to say you were the asshole being a stay at home wife myself. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home partner if you and your partner agree, but you are right that can't be her only option.

That's how you get into abusive situations when you are completely dependent on your partner to survive. I may not have a college degree but I do have experience in sales and tech support and if I needed out I could do it.

Also her back up plan of just falling back on you makes her sound extremely entitled and spoiled. Sounds like she needs a bit of a wake up.

inreallife12001 said:

NTA at all. Your daughter's path in life is totally unreasonable. I think the guidelines you have set up for her are totally reasonable.

It almost sounds like she wants to be a freeloader more than a SAHM. She should have some experience, whether it's college or a small job, to help set her up for success.

rockets_meowth said:

NTA. Good on you for shutting that down quick. But where did she get this level of no shame for being a leech? Even if her whole goal is to be a SAHM, she isn't going to get the pedigree of man she wants by having nothing going for her, to put it in a way her brain would understand.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this mom wasn't at all wrong to shut down her daughter's risky future 'plan.' While it might have been a tense conversation, being honest was the only way she could prevent her kid from wasting formative years of her life and career potential. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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