Mom snaps at parents after she finds out they're badmouthing her to teen son. AITA?
We all have our breaking point, unfortunately, that breakigng point has consequences regardless of how justified our feelings are.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she was wrong for snapping at her parents for holding her past over her head. She wrote:
"AITA for not caring about consequences anymore?"
I had my 13-year-old son as a teenager. His dad was my cousin’s boyfriend and I admit I was a b#$ch for doing that. I got my karma because he’s a deadbeat and I got no help from my parents as punishment for betraying family. Whatever, we lived and I learned. I get the hostility towards me but I’m tired of them trying to force my own son to hate me.
They didn’t want s$%t to do with him when he was a baby but now that he technically doesn’t “need” me they’re trying to tell him that he doesn’t have a dad because of me or that I’ll never be enough to advance his athletic career and am therefore ruining his life. S$%t like that.
I’ve begged them to stop but they say that they’re simply telling him the truth and it’s up to him to decide if he wants anything to do with me and that it’s the consequences of my actions. I get it. I really f$%king do. But this is insanity. I tried to limit contact between them even though my parents threatened to stop helping me pay for his sports. Sure it meant more work for me but it’s nothing I can’t handle.
Anyways, turns out my attempts were in vain because my son was still seeing them behind my back and I only found out because my son started crying to me because of all the stress that had been building up. He was only still meeting them because my dad promised he’d buy him high quality sports gear so long as he wouldn’t abandon his grandparents.
I was furious so after I put him to sleep I stormed over to my parents house and I admit I lost it a little. I took the high quality sports gear and threw it at them before telling them that they don’t get to hold a decade long mistake over my head. My mom just said I ruined her relationship with her family and that the consequences I’m facing are nothing compared to the things she had to deal with thanks to me.
She kept going on about consequences while my dad told me to “expect harsh consequences” from my son for taking his sports equipment. He also said something about choosing my pride over my son’s dream. I snapped and told them that I don’t give a f$%k about the consequences, that the word has lost all meaning and they all just sound like idiots to me.
My parents got extremely angry and said that my attitude is doing me no favours and there’s a reason no one is on my side and no one is willing to forgive or trust me. They then kicked me out of the house and now my older sister won’t stop calling me just to yell at me for not learning s#$t the past 13 years and continuing to disrespect family, especially my parents.
I’m just exhausted and I need to know (at least temporarily) if I’m the bad guy here, AITA?
The internet responded.
blanketstatement5 wrote:
NTA. They are choosing to not only hold your mistakes against you, but they are actively manipulating your son and damaging his mental health in order to get to you.
Honestly even though the cheating was definitely not a good decision, the fact that you were raised by these people and ended up possessing any kind of moral compass at all, is pretty remarkable, and you ironically seem to be the only one in your family who has one, so kudos to you for that.
OP responded:
That’s the main part. How dare they put all that stress on my son. His breakdown was not normal for 13 year olds and was pretty scary. Of course my parents are blaming it all on me instead of having the least bit of shame and recognizing their faults as well. Who on earth tells a 13 year old to condemn his mother or else have these horrible things happen? Why put all of that on him?
I agree that being a home wrecker was a terrible decision and I felt a lot of shame and guilt over it. I still do and I don’t blame anyone for resenting me. But it’s been 13 years and I don’t have the energy to keep punishing myself. Thank you ❤️
ahKseiD wrote:
NTA. This is some Gilmore Girls nonsense.They're using your son to keep punishing you and not deal with their own personal hurt (or whatever their issue is). If they really loved your son, how can they still hold that grudge since he's the result of your decision. Teach THEM a lesson about consequences and go low/no contact for a while. Also, have a good conversation with your son. He's your main priority.
Due_Mall_5609 wrote:
NTA. The important thing is you regretting your past actions and you owned up to them. They shouldn’t take away your son just because of your past actions. I mean, you’re not even abusive to begin with, so they don’t have a right to take your son away from you.
OP responded:
My sister tried to take my son “legally” a few years back but it didn’t work so they won’t dare try it again. It’s insane how they thought they could just do that with no actual reason except that I ruined my cousin’s relationship and was a single teen mom.
SpookyBaeMUA wrote:
NTA. This is actually such a ridiculously their fault situation. I can’t imagine a reality where anyone in my family would give that much of a f#$k about some teenage bulls#$t. At the end of the day, guess what, it wasn’t your relationship to manage.
The BD should have just idk…NOT CHEATED with his girlfriend’s cousin???? Yeah you f#$ked up by doing it anyways when you knew they were dating but good lord your family needs to grow the f#$k up.
Clearly, OP is NTA in this situation, her parents are taking out old frustrations on her and creating a rift with her son.