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Mom reveals to son her true thoughts about his GF while attending her funeral. AITA?

Mom reveals to son her true thoughts about his GF while attending her funeral. AITA?


When this mom is upset for her grieving son, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for telling my son what I thought of his GF while attending her funeral?"

My husband and I (53F and 56M) have a son (25M) who had been going out with a girl (30F) for about a year and a half. This girl came from a broken background, had been in prison and had an infant son.

She'd gotten herself together before he was born, and got clean. While her child didn't belong to my son, he's always treated him like his own. Although the situation was pretty complex, I just wanted to support my baby. Our son still lives with us, while his GF and her boy live in a place their family owns.

Not long ago, I was doing housework when I got a call from my son. He was a mess and told me that his GF had passed away. Apparently she had gotten into the shower while drunk, fell and had died as a result of the fall.

This was during a time where she had been supposed to be caring for her boy. My son had gone over (he has a key) and found her, as well as her boy still stuck in his high chair in the kitchen, starving.

I'm sure you can imagine but I was extremely shocked, and that was followed up by a feeling of intense anger for what her baby had gone through. None of us knew she drank anymore and apparently this was her relapsing.

Come the day of the funeral and I see my son holding his GF's son's little hand, and I was just so emotionally wounded for them.

After the service, I approached my son and told him how upset I was, and that his GF had been selfish for relapsing and doing what she did with her baby there, and that she had been careless to get so blind drunk she ended up falling.

My son was mad and since then some of my family feel like I overreacted. I want to say that I didn't scream and yell the whole funeral, or refuse to go. It was just that moment where I let him in on my emotions. He hasn't spoken to me yet since then and I want to know, am I the asshole?

Let's see what readers thought.

gootato8 writes:

YTA. What the hell did you think saying that would accomplish? What were you trying to prove that you were better than her because you never struggled with addiction or depression or crime? Do you know what causes those things?

Mental health, brain chemistry, depression, anxiety, usually childhood trauma, se% ual abuse, psychological, physical or emotional abuse or sometimes all of the above. Congratulations that you had a great life and those things did not befall you or if they did, you were wired a different way and did not struggle.

Wow, you're an f-ing gem. My condolences to your son and this poor little boy who lost his wounded and struggling mama. My heart is with them. I wish yours were as well but you apparently have none.

turtlemoon9 writes:

YTA. Sure you were just being honest, but as does everything else in this life, honesty has its time and place. That time and place specifically does not involve badmouthing the dead at their own funeral to your grieving son.

You’re entitled to your opinions of her, but your son needed love at what is likely the lowest point of his life, and you opted for tough love. You just have to let grieving people grieve and allow them to process their emotions at their own pace. In all likelihood, he will have some anger to process, but that doesn’t mean you bring it up at her funeral.

Also, I think your understanding of addiction is a little myopic. It’s an illness, and the road to the recovery is fraught with stumbling blocks and relapse. Your son’s gf failed, and her resulting death is no less tragic for her failure.

Still, even if you couldn’t muster up the compassion to properly mourn her, you should’ve at least had the empathy to provide support to your son when he needed you.

timelyegg0 writes:

YTA - funerals are to support the living not throw slurs at the dead. What were you trying to achieve by slating a dead woman at her memorial?

Yes, situations were far from ideal but someone your son and his son of the heart loved dearly was dead and in the ground because an addiction got the better of them. If addictions were easy to fight off, there wouldn't be whole industry helping people.

I've fallen in shower, not because I was drunk just because soap was not in right place. She fell in shower, she had alcohol in system, there may be a relation but you don't know for sure. So give grace. What she was was a young woman struggling to raise a child alone.

I hope you were at least discrete enough in not telling her grieving parents what a low opinion you had of their daughter. If you despised her so much, why go? Oh to support your "baby" by making the whole situation worse for him. Better you'd have stayed at home.

exactcomfort0 writes:

YTA. Her funeral was not the time or place to express these feelings. That was totally inappropriate. Yeah sure you could consider it selfish, but this is the reality of addiction.

If it was just a matter of “stop being selfish,” addiction wouldn’t exist. Also, what exactly did you achieve but saying this to your son? He’s already grieving and heartbroken, so the only thing you accomplished was make him feel worse. You’re suppose to support him, not rub it in his face.

Looks like OP is TA. Any advice for this woman?

Sources: Reddit
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