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Mom tells son, 'I never wanted to have you'; wonders if she 'did something wrong.' Updated.

Mom tells son, 'I never wanted to have you'; wonders if she 'did something wrong.' Updated.


AITA for admitting to my son that I never wanted to have a child?

So, I saw a post here that reminded me of my situation and it made me think to post. I have a 15 year old son Jakob. When I was 18 I married a classmate I was dating, we were stupid teenagers and I got pregnant. He really wanted to have a kid so I was pressured into having Jakob even though I hated being pregnant and taking care of him.

Our families were so disappointed that they demanded we give the baby up to somebody so that we can focus on our education. We didn't and Jakob was about six months old when his dad died in a motorcycle crash.

About a year after I gave Jakob up to my great-aunt, she legally adopted him and my life got so much better. I finished up my education and by the time I was 26, I became the manager at a club. When Jakob was 11, my great-aunt was diagnosed with an illness and it was determined she could no longer care for him.

So, as per her wishes, I took Jakob back and began working nights so that I could care for him even though I hate working nights. I have changed my entire schedule to accommodate for him.

I never wanted to take somebody to basketball practice, drop off and pick up a bunch of kids in a carpool or have noisy Xbox games played through my apartment. But I do now and have sacrificed my entire existence for him.

And here's the kicker, I actually started to enjoy it because Jakob was so great and up until a year ago I was even thinking this was a nice way to live. And then something changed, he got rude, starts throwing his backpack when he comes home, will throw away the lunch I make him, will swear and he won't even hug me anymore.

We had an argument yesterday because he started watching WWE real loud instead of doing his chores and that woke me up way too early and I got very upset when he said I wanted to give him away because I don't. I admitted that I never wanted to have him but he's not some toy I can just toss away.

But instead of thinking about what I said, he just started crying really badly and this morning he wouldn't even get out of bed and go to school, he just won't stop hugging me and crying. I've called in sick for tonight but I'm just wondering if I was wrong to handle it how I did. One of my friends said she would have divorced her husband if he said that to their son.

Here's how people judged OP:

cubbiegthrow writes:

You told him you can't throw him out 'like a toy.' Meaning you'd do it if you could, but you're prevented because he's a human and not a toy. You'd prefer he was gone - and always have. He knows he wouldn't be with you and you'd be happier if he was still in another home. You confirmed it with venomous words he'll never forget. Poor kid.

DeBarcab OP responded:

Oh my God like a toy is a simile, you're not supposed to take it literally.

lynypixie writes:

YTA The fact is you did toss him away. And he got tossed away again when your great aunt got sick. Right now, the only thing he knows is that no one wants him around. One thing I noticed from your post. At absolutely no point you have stated that you love him. You only sees him as another chores you have to check on your list.

DeBarcab OP responded:

I do love him. I tell him that multiple times a day.

TemporaryThese4832 writes:

And abusive parents tell their kids they love them everyday too. Negativity has more impact than the positive. You are basically mentally abusing him.

DeBarcab OP responded:

No I am not. I would never try and do that.

mindful-bed-slug writes:

Yes, your words have hurt him immensely. Two hours ago I was just talking to a 50 year old who was crying on my shoulder about her mom saying that same thing to her when she was 15. Seriously. You may wish to believe that you didn't inflict tremendous trauma on your kid, but you absolutely did.

You don't get a prize for not kicking a teenager out to starve on the streets. That poor kid.

DeBarcab OP responded:

I'm not expecting a prize. But a little gratitude for changing my entire life for him would be appreciated. I don't want to get woken up to the sound of Bobby Lashley beating somebody up. And what I meant was that I may not have wanted him then but I would never give him up now.

Leah-theRed writes:

YTA. you never, EVER tell your kid you never wanted them.

your son WILL NOT EVER FORGET THIS. he was already abandoned by you once. now he knows he's one normal teenage tantrum away from you shoving him out on the streets. he was hugging you and crying bc he thinks that if he doesn't, you'll just throw him away like trash.

Appropriate-Name06 writes:

So are you going to apologize to your son and accept the fact that YTA? Or will you keep defending yourself and not accept the judgment?

DeBarcab OP responded:

When have I not accepted? All I've tried to do is clarify what I meant to people who don't get it.

Update from OP after reading the comments:

Edit at 12:31 PM: I get it. I accept the judgment of YTA. I'll just use this edit as one last time to make my point clear: I love my son and I do want him in my life, that is the point I was trying to make.

Sources: Reddit
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