Mom tells teen she can't be friends with 'bad influence,' she says 'but she's welcoming.'

As a parent, you want your child to hang out with the best examples possible. But you also need to let them make their own choices as they get older, this paradox can be difficult when they reach teenhood.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a parent asked if they were wrong for judging a teen in their daughter's class. They wrote:

"AITA for judging a 13-year-old?"

My 12-year-old daughter has moved schools for year 7. There is a 13-year-old in her class that I am quite concerned about. I have seen her talk back to teachers in more than one occasion in online meetings, posts depressing, mature things on Instagram, swears, games all the time, and is generally a bad influence.

I have told my 12-year-old that I don't allow her to be friends with this girl because of the reasons I listed above, and told her to unfollow her on Instagram. I refused to let her stay behind in the library to "study" with this girl.

However, my 12-year-old (ASD) told me that the girl has been including her in her friend's group and is helping her settle in. She said she made her feel safe in the new environment and is encouraging. The even bigger problem is that my 12-year-old kind of idolizes that particular girl, which I really don't like. AITA for trying to prevent that because of my judgment?

Redditors had lots of thoughts about OP's concern.

Mac4491 wrote:

YTA - That's called a teenager. She may be a bit of an unruly one with her answering back to teachers but everything else is perfectly normal. Your daughter is 12. She swears. I guarantee it. Nothing wrong with gaming. Don't be a helicopter parent. As long as this girl isn't influencing your daughter to drink, do drugs, or harm herself then there's nothing to worry about.

VeuillezTwo wrote:

YTA. I had a Mom exactly like you, the fact is that type of helicopter parenting led me to seek out everything that was forbidden. Not to mention all my alleged bad friends she hated weren't bad people at all, they just had something she perceived as wrong. Chill a little bit.

twoyutesinalabama wrote:

Yeah, this is weird. How do you know what she posts on Instagram? What's wrong with gaming? Don't you trust your daughter to continue to behave well, and make her own choices? Trying to control her friendships is sure to backfire. Especially when she's new to this school and looking for new friends. A little rebellion is healthy. You want your daughter to be a free and independent thinker, right?

Due_Emergency4031 wrote:

You're preventing your child from growing up into an emotionally intelligent adult. What you should be doing is discussing these things with your daughter, fostering open communication because you WANT HER to come to you when she does something stupid when she is 14, 15, 16, 17 etc. If you push more control, she will start hiding things and won't come to you when she may be having serious issues.

Re depressing posts in nature, you can take time out of your day to talk about that stuff to your daughter, hell, encourage her to have her own voice and opinion on things, teach her that following the crowd isn't always a way, that she needs to also figure out for herself the right and wrong and help her navigate the right and wrong.

What you need to be doing is preparing her for this sh#$ty harsh world, but no longer shielding and hiding her away. How will she cope once she's an adult otherwise? As to the troubled 13-year-old, you have no inkling on just HOW MUCH a positive influence of another adult can make in her life as she matures.

While some deeds might not be valued right now, when she's older, they will make a world of difference. She is a child. Just because she has issues and perhaps issues at home, IS NOT OK to receive more judgment and scorn from sh#$ty adults. Who knows, maybe a friendship with your daughter will be a two-time benefit, for both to grow.

CheshireCat_1809 wrote:

YTA. You're sabotaging yourself by 'forbidding' your daughter from making her own friends. Let's say you're right, and this girl is the worst possible person for your daughter to hang out with, she's not gonna stop, just because you said so. She's just gonna hide it from you and if you find out and punish her? She'll hide it even better.

If you're genuinely concerned, then make sure your daughter feels comfortable enough to seek you out if something problematic does go down, rather than fearing your reaction.

OP is definitely TA here, hopefully, she's able to let go of control here.