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'Was I wrong to tell my daughter I already new she was a lesbian?' She left crying.

'Was I wrong to tell my daughter I already new she was a lesbian?' She left crying.


'AITA for telling my daughter I already knew she is a lesbian?'

I'm 46F, my daughter is 16F. Her 16th birthday was yesterday. Every birthday I bake her a cake, ive done it since her first birthday. I was baking in the afternoon, when she got in the kitchen saying: Mom, I need to tell you something.

'I stopped when I was doing to pay attention to her and asked what's wrong.'

She said: Mom, I have to be honest with you [She spoken a little speech here about how much she loves me and how she cant keep this secret anymore] ... So, I'm that I can finally tell you that, I like girls, I'm a lesbian.

'I immediately responded with: I know.'

'She was shocked, and shouted: You knew? How?'

I said: Honey, you have gay written all over your face. Honestly, I wasn't even expecting you to come out, just to come home one day to introduce your girlfriend to us.

She started crying a little, then I continued talking and retelling some key moments that give away that she likes girls, like that moment in 1st grade when she referred to her best friend as her 'bride'.

'She asked if her dad knows, and I said yes.'

She was hurt. Said that she has been planning coming out for so long, that was riddled by anxiety every time she tried to speak to me or her dad about it, and that I should have told her that I knew, so she could skip all the near anxiety attacks.

I said that there was always a chance I could be wrong, or that she could be Bi or Pan, and in the end, she is a separate person and her sexuality is not my business. I told her I love her so much, that this changes nothing, and I will welcome any partner of hers.

She nodded with the head, but started crying and went to her room. I finished the cake, but she went out that night with her friends instead, I saved the cake in the fridge, waited for her to come home, but when she arrived went straight to her room.

'Today, she left for school, barely saying good morning to me.'

I don't know If I was too cold, too distant, or whatever, something is wrong here and I don't know if it is me. AITA?


YourMothersButtox says:

The last thing I would've wanted was my mom saying 'honey I know you're a lesbian' when I was a baby gay before I've had the chance to vocalize it, and while every kid is different, you absolutely were not wrong for NOT saying something sooner.

I don't think you were the a**hole in your response, you didn't say 'I know' snidely, you were loving and accepting (as you should be!). She's processing lots of things here, and that's OK. NTA.

Sangy101 says:

Last sentence is spot-on. That’s exactly how I felt when folks said “I know” back when I came out. It’s not the mom’s fault, but it’s something allies should be aware of.

cassity282 says:

queer here. and same. the mom was loving thuogh. and thats more than alot of us got. an she didnt know better. but she will know in the future.

Kettrickenisabadass says:

I am 90% sure that my parents (and half my family) tought that i was lesbian. I guess that it was a big surprise when i came home with a man, the one that years later i am marrying

ceider says:

I'm also going NAH but I cringed at 'Honey, you have gay written all over your face.' There were definitely better ways to say that. I'm not sure how I would have taken that if someone said that to me as a baby gay.

Sources: Reddit
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