Mom threatens to kick out aging autistic daughter with gaming addiction. AITA?
When this mom feels like she's at a loss when it comes to her daughter on the spectrum, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for threatening to kick out my autistic daughter?'
I, Lisa (36F), have a daughter, Lillian (18F). Lillian is autistic, and got a diagnosis when she was around 16. I always assumed she was just shy and awkward throughout her childhood, especially since she didn’t make an effort to talk to family.
I would make her say hello, and she’d just walk away immediately afterwards to sit on her phone somewhere.
She’s a smart girl, and she was called gifted by her elementary and middle schools. She has average grades now, and seems like she’s been left behind socially compared to her peers.
Her grades turned into Cs as soon as she entered highschool, and I assumed it was because the workload her school was giving her was stressing her out.
She always said she was doing homework, turns out, she was playing Roblox the entire time. Lillian prefers to spend her time playing Roblox, and averages 14 hours of screen time per day.
I tried taking her phone away so she’d do something productive, but she would end up doing nothing at all, and just sleep through it.
All of her Roblox friends are younger than her, usually ranging from ages 12-15. I asked her why she didn’t try making friends her own age at school, and she just shrugged. I told her she should at least try and make friends her age online, and she told me it was harder than it looked.
I tried to explain that it was weird for younger kids to be friends with someone her age, and she looked at me and told me that there was nothing wrong with it since she didn’t have any of their social medias, just that she played with them so she’d have company. I still think that’s weird.
Now that she’s entering her senior year of highschool, I was telling her that she should delete all her games and focus on her future. She doesn’t have a job, and she can’t drive.
She got upset, and told me she could focus on both things at once. I told her she could focus on them both if she left my house as soon as she graduated, and she immediately ran off crying. Our family is calling me an asshole now, and they’re all against me, even though none of them would help me. So, am I the asshole?
My 18 year old autistic daughter plays Roblox instead of focusing on her life so I told her I would kick her out. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
benyrude writes:
YTA. And be thankful she's at the mild/high-functioning end of the spectrum instead of the severe end where she'd also be unable to speak, toilet herself, regulate her emotions, and generally need 24/7 care for life which because of the state of most healthcare services would largely fall on you.
Your daughter is not like that, and instead of kicking her out you should talk to her about how best to manage her autism in life and see what help you can get her for helping her deal with life, her studies, general skills, etc. kicking her out is just telling her you're rejecting her.
cylfy writes:
YTA. Forcing her into social situations isn’t going to do her a bit of good. In fact? That will likely make her social skills regress. It is very clear from your post that you have not educated yourself on ASD at all. I would honestly urge you to do so.
Roblox is very obviously a coping mechanism and a game she’s actually been able to make friends on. They may not be her “peers”. However? The fact she’s been able to make friends there and you want to take it away from her? Again… That will cause more regression in certain areas ie socially.
driveralternative0 writes:
YTA. Please take time to educate yourself on autism and coping mechanisms. Attempting to force her into uncomfortable social interactions won’t help anything. Taking away her coping mechanisms will only make things worse, and threatening to kick her out is awful.