Mom wants to stop paying for daughter's gymnastics; says, 'she has the wrong body type.'
'AITA for not wanting to continue supporting my daughter's (12F) gymnastics training?'
When my daughter was young, we introduced her to gymnastics. She was totally hooked and kept asking for more and more lessons. We encouraged her, thinking she will eventually lose interest. Now she is 12, training 20 hours a week, spending weekends after weekends competing at high level competitions.
Problem is, she is 5'7 already and still growing. She is starting to have ambition for D1 scholarship, or even Olympics. That makes me very worried. Being 5'7 basically kills her chance of going to the Olympics. D1 gymnastics scholarship is already rare, the odds of her getting one with her height is even more rare.
It makes me feel bad that our daughter is very, very dedicated. She's almost always the first one at the gym and the last one to leave. She watches replays of her routine on our drive to training, turns down social events because she 'needs to train', does extra conditioning at home.
Yet I cannot justify blowing thousands of dollars a year and hundreds of hours in time every year to gamble on something with so little chance of success. All the hours spent at her training, driving her to competition is already causing our family life to suffer.
She under-rotates her skills because of her height, and gets injured more frequently than others. Her academics are suffering because of her gymnastics commitment. Her life is going in the wrong direction because of gymnastics. The bandaid is better ripped off earlier than later. My husband agrees.
I broke the news to my daughter. Frankly, it breaks my heart to tell her to give up something she has worked so hard for. I told her I know she is a hard worker. She would get much better reward if she channels her hard work elsewhere, like in school, or another sport.
Hell, she plays tennis with the family only casually, yet she was able to win a few u12 tournaments locally. If that's not talent, I don't know what is!
Needless to say, she did not take that well. She cried and cried and cried, locking herself in her room, refusing to eat, saying maybe if she doesn't eat, she will become shorter. I told her over and over that I love her, and I just want the best for her, but she wouldn't have any of it. I tried to reason with her - telling her chasing a 'dream' is a privilege, not a right. No use!
My husband has now softened even though we used to have an agreement. Our family is now phoning us to try to persuade us to let her continue training, even offering support for training cost and pickup / drop-offs.
If she has the right body type to be an elite gymnast, or if she is tall like she is, but is not struggling because of her height, I would support her unconditionally. However that is not the case!
Sometimes I feel like giving in, but to think it through, I was the person who drove her to training and competition, I am the breadwinner who paid for her training. It should be my right to call it off, especially as a parent. Help me out reddit. Am I in the wrong???
Here's how people judged OP:
sheramom4 writes:
YTA. You are taking away her passion instead of trying to come up with a compromise that still allows her to train and participate in what she loves.
I was a dancer and too tall for anything but the corps in ballet. You know what? I continued to dance into my late teen years. I was aware of my limitations but dance was never taken from me. You are taking something from your daughter without even discussing it with her or trying to work something out.
EpiGirl1202 writes:
I am going NAH. Ex-athlete here that peaked at a whopping 5’2” in a tall people sport. I completely see both sides. Constant over-training is just going to lead to a lifetime of injuries. I am 46 and need surgery on three joints. But I loved playing and no one could tell me to stop so here I am broken by age 40 and in for a lifetime of pain.
Maybe try diving? Same skills not the same height limitations?
Throwawaytallgymnast OP responded:
Finally someone who gets it. I kept reminding her how much everything costs and how much everyone sacrificed, FOR HER! It is pretty selfish of her to expect massive commitment from the family just because she wants something.
AMerrickanGirl writes:
INFO: how would she feel about switching to rhythmic gymnastics? Height’s not an issue in that sport.
Throwawaytallgymnast OP responded:
Suggested that, she doesn't like it
NickiLT writes:
The coaches also want your money. So they really don’t want her to quit. Do you have a family friend who is an orthopedic surgeon that can talk to her about the potential damage she is doing to her body.
Throwawaytallgymnast OP responded:
Yes good idea. I can schedule a meeting with her doctor. I think she will respond to experts in the medical area better.