Mom will not let husband take their son to a remote island. AITA?
When this mom is furious with her husband and puts her foot down, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not letting my husband take our toddler to a remote island cabin?"
My husband (41M) wants to take our toddler son (2.5M) to his remote Canadian cottage without me. This cottage is in another country (it's in Canada, we are from the US), so on top of it being a 4.5 hour flight away, it requires a 3 hour drive and then a 30+ minute ferry ride, as the cottage is located on an island that is ONLY accessible by boat.
Last time we stayed at the cottage, there was no hot shower water for the entire 5 days. Before that, I was exposed to bats in the sleeping room and had to drive to New York to get vaccinated for rabies.
Before that trip, we lost power and had no hot water and I had food poisoning (the water is unfiltered from the lake). It's always something going wrong and I'm just so, so, sick of it. I told him I'd stay for 2-3 nights next year, but I don't want to stay 5 nights again.
It's also very difficult with a toddler who never sleeps through the night. This cottage means a lot to my husband (he has fond memories of being there with his family and friends when growing up), but it has always been a source of intense anxiety and discomfort for me.
From the bugs, to the bats, to the lack of basic amenities (we often lose power or hot water), I just always get stressed and dread being there. Every single year I dread it.
My husband knows this and has been working on "fixing up" the cottage, but it's just very uncomfortable for me and he knows this. I have put up with it for years but I'm tired and want to limit how long I will stay there in the future.
Now he is threatening to take our 2.5 year old son there for a week+ without me, which I find unacceptable. I have never threatened to take our son anywhere without his consent, much less to another country.
Our son is afraid of flies (screams and cries whenever they get near) and doesn't sleep through the night. I don't think he will enjoy this trip that he's too young to consent to, especially with his mom gone. AITA for telling my husband that I won't allow him to take my son to a different country without my consent?
Let's see what readers thought.
hewhoisperson writes:
NTA. It's a remote island cabin. If something goes wrong, help is not getting there in time. And OP elsewhere in the comments posts that her husband has ignored issues with their son multiple times and those issues turned out to be legit after a visit to the doc's office, therefore, she doesn't fully trust his judgment in situations where something might be going wrong with a kid.
I mean, in a general sense it is assholish to forbid a spouse from doing something. But in this case it's justified, and perhaps is even her duty as a parent. Besides, kids don't really start to form memories that last until sometime after 3.
jermleeds writes:
Soft YTA. You don't want to go, you don't have to go. Unless you believe your husband to be an irresponsible parent, there's no reason to believe this trip poses unacceptable risk to your son. My most indelible early memories are of camping trips and road trips with my family. I would be impoverished today by not having had those experiences.
doriangrayeyes writes:
NAH. Your husband wants his son to experience what he had with the cabin growing up. Only, 2.5 months is really too young to enjoy the experience. Would it be possible for him to go on his own and fix the place up while he's there? If the cabin gets fixed up, it will be more enjoyable for you and your son to visit in the future.