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Mom won't allow daughter on school trip because it's a 'co-ed sleepover,' dad disagrees.

Mom won't allow daughter on school trip because it's a 'co-ed sleepover,' dad disagrees.


Parenting is full of tough choices, luckily, the internet is always here to give a second, or third, or fourth opinion.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she was wrong for not letting her daughter go on a class trip if the room is co-ed. She wrote:

"AITA for not letting my daughter go on a class trip?"

My daughter transferred to a new school this year. It's a private school, and part of their traditions is a beginning-of-the-year overnight class trip every August. She was too late for this year, but next year's is a two night trip to Philadelphia. One problem: no more than 6 people can share a hotel room, and there are now 37 girls that would need one.

We found out that there's a group of 4 'day-only' kids (three girls, one boy) that actually do stay overnight, at the same hotel even, they just don't do it through the school. The four aren't super well-liked and there have been bullying issues, especially against the boy.

But they're friends with each other, so the parents banded together and decided to just fund and chaperone them themselves to avoid any issues. They do two rooms: one for the kids, and one for whichever parent goes. They've reached out and offered to let my daughter share with them. She wants to do it. I'm not comfortable. Coed sleepovers are not acceptable. It's completely inappropriate.

We've been back and forth with this for weeks. The verdict is clear. There's no open room she can get into through the school, they're not getting her a single room, we can't afford to do anything similar to the other independent group, and we just can't accept a coed sleepover. Going is not an option. She's devastated and begging me to reconsider.

She says it's my fault that she even had to transfer schools sophomore year and that we've had to move so much that this is the first time we're going to be somewhere for multiple years.

I think we need to pass, but now my husband is starting to waffle and say that maybe we should consider making an exception because everything has been hard on her and this is a major school tradition (and opportunity for her to make friends).

The internet had a lot to say.

booksiwabttoread wrote:

As a teacher, I can tell you things:

These trips are important. This is where memories and friends are made. You need to do everything you can to make this happen.

Unless you didn’t register on time or there’s other info you are leaving out, the school needs to find a way to include her. You need to meet with administration and find out why your child is being excluded.

Frisianian wrote:

YTA. What exactly do you think will happen with it being a co-ed sleepover? That this young boy is some sort of lothario who is going to seduce all the girls into a s*xual pileup where they all please him? Of course not! Everyone will change in the bathroom in shifts or they’ll banish him to the bathroom while the girls all change and let him out when they are done.

The chaperone will likely be in the next room and will be the parent of one of these kids meaning that kid is going to be extra careful to make sure their friends don’t get them in trouble.

At worst, they’ll goof off too late chatting and be tired the next day. It gives your daughter the chance of an instant friend group if she chooses which can be needed for people who change schools a lot. Don’t take this away from her and leave her out of whatever stories come from the trip.

She’ll feel like the odd one out all year whenever something about the trip comes up. Do you want your daughter to be left out and to feel alone? Always do everything you can to prevent that, right? If your daughter is a smart girl you have no reason to distrust in this situation, please don’t judge the situation based on it being co-ed, judge it based on how well you feel you raised her.

scrubadubdub- wrote:

YTA for sure. I don’t know what you think is going to happen at a “co-ed” sleepover with a single boy sharing a room with a bunch of girls, but have you considered that your daughter or one of the many girls she’d be on this trip with might be a lesbian, making the whole “co-ed” thing meaningless?

If you’re so concerned, book her a room or go on the trip yourself to supervise, but not allowing her to go is a punishment that is ostracizing her and making her situation more difficult.

A_Drenched_Lettuce wrote:

"You can't just accept a coed sleepover"

It's not 1 boy and 1 girl. And i'm definitely making assumptions here so I'm already in the wrong for that, but being "that boy" in school...I wouldn't worry too much about that 1 boy. It sounds like you're looking for a reason to just not let your daughter go on that trip, so you should just tell her you just don't want her to go.

Not sure why you don't but you are sadly the parent. Also, the fact you're not even willing to listen to your husband's opinion because it's against yours is a giant red flag. YTA - might as well lock your daughter in the basement until she's of age for you to find her a suitable suitor to marry so she can bear you grandchildren.

OP is for sure TA here, if she wants her daughter to feel included - then she'd be wise to make this happen for her.

Sources: Reddit
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