Mom won't forgive hubby after he "fights" their teething baby. AITA?
When this mom to an 8 month old girl is unable to forgive her husband for what he did, she asks Reddit:
"AITAH for Being Upset and not being able to Forgive my Husband after his punishment to our Baby?"
My husband and I have a 8 month old baby girl who has started teething. Obviously we both recognise that this uncomfortable for her and her gums hurt a lot.
When there were no teeth, she would randomly “kiss” our faces - which was funny because she mostly rubbed her gums against our skin and we used to get a pretty good laugh out of it as it didn’t hurt - just like that baby on a tiktok that “ate” his mum’s face - the cuteness attack.
However recently she has these little white edges on her gums which are sharp and we no longer let our baby “eat” our faces. She has her teething toys.
Just today morning my husband was playing with her and she launched herself on his face and didn’t let go. My husband was in pain and tried to move the baby’s body away from him but that hurt as her grip was strong.
I had no idea how to help and was confused, thinking that distracting her would work. Before I could grab the toy to my horror, my husband lifted his heavy hand and swatted it across our daughter’s cheek - there was a clapping sound. It must’ve hurt her.
She immediately let go and started crying and her cheek had red finger marks from the slap. Our poor baby was inconsolable and couldn’t stop. It took her a long while of shushing to calm her down.
This broke my heart. My husband looked extremely guilty and apologised to our baby. I have NEVER seen my husband be abusive and I honestly believe this was more of an instinct than anything as he has never been aggressive. However I am still very upset at him for hurting our baby. AITAH?
Let's see what readers thought about this dilemma.
hecooler7 writes:
NTA for being upset. But, both you and your husband are the AH for letting your baby play with you like this, knowing it’s not a habit she can keep. This whole incident occurred because the baby thought this was a normal way to play, and it’s not - especially now that she has teeth.
hungrycaramel0 writes:
ESH, but the baby. 1/ You let the baby take the habit of eating your faces. 2/ You are trying to downplay a grown man slapping a baby across the face with enough strength to make a noise and leave a mark.
3/ Your husband is a grown man… no matter what your baby does, there is no situation where his reaction was ok.
My kid bit my nipple while I BF and wouldn’t let go, I sure did felt the knee jerk reaction of pinching his jaw BUT I didn’t… because he was a baby. I cursed and screamed while unlocking his jaw with my fingers but I controlled myself… because again, a defenseless baby.
I would suggest you urge your husband to reflect on his actions and ask him if he can ensure it would not happen again in the future. If your kids kick him in the leg by mistake, is he going to slap him to because… the pain. Anyway, he should feel guilty. No excuse!
maggielens writes:
YTA for being a bloody awful parent, as is your husband. Your job is to raise this child to be part of wider society. You don't allow or encourage her to "playbite" of whatever the hell you were doing.
What were you even thinking? Teach your child socially acceptable behaviors and methods of communicating at ALL times. She didn't deserve the slap, but God knows both of you need a shake up of basic parenting 101.
addangerous7 writes:
You are never TA for having feelings. That was a traumatizing event for all three of you. Being upset is natural. It's forgivable IF it's an isolated incident. My formula: If someone does a terrible thing once, it could be a fluke and a one time thing. A warning sign, but not a serious one.
If someone does that same terrible thing again after promising not to, the only mitigating factor can be extenuating circumstances. Otherwise, leave.
If someone does that same terrible thing a third time after promising not to twice, it is a character trait and they will never change. At this point, it is fair to treat them as irredeemable and write them off as a person.
He hit your child so hard it left a mark. But he was also panicking. That's extenuating circumstances. Therefore, if it's an isolated incident, I think it's fair to forgive him once your emotions have settled.
But. If he EVER does anything similar in the future, that could be the end. If you emphasize that to him, that might make him more vigilant. He has trust he needs to earn back. That'll take a little time. But I think you've got really good instincts and I trust you to judge his character fairly in the future. You've got this.
coldprefenrece writes:
YTA You are upset with your husband because your daughter was latched onto his face with her teeth and instead of waiting for her to let go or for you to find a way to distract her he couldn’t take the pain and smacked her on the cheek?
And he is in need of your forgiveness? Would you sit there and let her bite down on your face and not react? Maybe your reaction would be different but for crying out loud it’s not unreasonable what he did.
He didn’t throw her across the room, he didn’t fling her to the floor, he reached up and addressed the area of her body that was causing the pain in a way that would get her to stop and by her reaction it did.
He immediately felt bad because he hurt her to stop her hurting him and he knew she wouldn’t understand. To say that somehow he’s ‘shown his true colors’ or that it’s a learned behavior from childhood is ridiculous.
Let a baby latch on to any of you trashing him and see if you patiently await someone to distract it or you ‘gently’ try to dislodge it from your face. Wow, just wow.