Hello! I (F 23) am a nanny and accidentally experienced something with the baby I watch (M 3mo) and I am torn whether to tell the parents or not.
A little back story, baby boy is the youngest and LAST child that the parents are going to have. Mom had him by C-Section and, since she didn’t want to have any more kids, got her tubes completely removed during the procedure.
He was a surprise baby, as she was planning on getting her tubes removed over a year ago, but got pregnant with him.
I stay home alone at their house with baby all day while the older kids are at school and parents are at work.
During tummy time with him on his play mat… he rolled over for the first time. I have been having my phone close by the past week in case he did it so that I could send it to the parents if he happens to do it, but I left my phone on the couch and it happed so fast there was no way I could have grabbed it and took a video in time.
I picked him up and got a little emotional. I was so happy to be there to experience one of his firsts… but I was also sad. Then… I became torn. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t tell them.
These are the LAST FIRSTS that they will get to experience since they will not be having any more children. If I don’t tell them, then when he does it in front of them, THEY get to experience his firsts.
The only reason I’m torn is because every day mom comes home she always talks about how she thinks he will roll over any day now, and I want so badly to tell her but I don’t want them to realize they missed out on something they will never get to experience again.
Edit: Many are concerned that baby might be in jeopardy because of swaddling. A few weeks ago when parents saw signs of rolling over they cut all swaddling.
So no he is not being swaddled
As a mom of 2 I wouldn’t want you to tell me. That way when I see it than (to me) it’s the first time. If you told the mom then she wouldn’t get that
I was an infant preschool teacher. I would frequently get the firsts because I spent 8+ hours a day with the babies, don’t tell them. They miss so much, they know they are doing what’s best but the parents still feel so guilty.
I always told the parents that I think they are getting so close and to keep a super close eye on it.
Do NOT tell them!! It's standard practice at day cares and such to not share when parents miss firsts. It doesn't do anything but create heartache.
Lie (by omission). Just don’t say anything.
Mom of an 11 month old here. My baby is in daycare now. He can walk with someone holding his hands and we know he’s not far off from his first unassisted steps. If (when) he does that and his dad and I aren’t there, I don’t want to know.
Tell them as it’s a safety issue. My SIL learned her daughter cud roll when she rolled off the bed.
Hot take: I would want you to tell me for safety reasons. I have twins and I would want to know.
Dad here. I'd rather know my nanny is honest than pretend to see a milestone for the 1st time.
You have to tell her in case she swaddles her baby at night. No longer safe to swaddle if he’s rolling.
When I miss things, I find comfort it knowing that I’ll still experience the first time they did x in front of me. It’s still a first. Maybe you can give her that reasoning?
I must be an outlier. I missed my son's first steps because I was at work. I didn't feel guilty or upset at all. I knew the sacrifice I was making when I had children and was working.
I’ll never forgot some advice a friend told me- it’ll be the first time I see my child do the milestone…. Even if it’s not he child’s first.
Thank you all so much for the advice, I ended up not telling mom and dad and instead said, “hey I think baby is getting really close to rolling over!” Mom said that he can get on his side but not all the way and that she would be watching him like a hawk during tummy time after I left.
About an hr ago she messaged me saying, ”HE ROLLED OVER!” and how happy she was that he is making his milestones even though he was premature.
Both mom and dad were home and got to see little man roll over. I knew I made the right call. Hope this updates brings a little happiness, and thank you again for all the advice!