New mom devastates family when she holds pictures of newborn 'hostage.' AITA?
When this new mom is frustrated after she gives birth, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not sending out photos of my newborn?"
I gave birth to my first baby on Oct. 10 When we got checked in at the hospital, my husband and I obviously told a few people - including my parents. My mom’s immediate reaction was “let us know if you change your mind and want us to come to the hospital!”
Even though for weeks I said I didn’t want anyone at the hospital. Then she said she was packing and said “we are coming of course! But not to the hospital.” They assumed they could wait at my house. I said no.
After 21 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, my son was born and we let my parents know. Immediately they were asking for photos. I understand they are excited and already love him, but I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc.
Once we got moved to a recovery room, my husband and I talked and decided to hold off on sending pictures to anyone, including to his favorite two people (his dad and grandmother) so it’s not like my parents were being singled out. I can’t really even explain why we don’t want to send pics of our son out right now.
We both just have some anxiety about sending a photo to someone and then that photo spreading like wild fire to people we did not consent to having a photo of our son sent to so we’ve just decided to hold off. Not forever, but for now. We’ve literally already talked about how excited we are to send our first Christmas cards this year! So this isn’t a forever thing.
My parents lost their minds. Blew up both our phones, stressed me out to the point of tears so husband called my dad to ask them to stop and my dad had the balls to hang up on my husband and then my dad tells me that him and husband don’t need to speak or see each other again.
when I was discharged and sent home I sent my parents three texts about us being home and asking to FaceTime them so they could see my son via video since we weren’t doing photos. They ignored me.
We finally FaceTimed yesterday and my mom told me she had been sobbing all day and it was “torture” waiting for a photo. I told her she made my labor all about her and that no one asked me and husband what we wanted. It was all about what they wanted.
They said they don’t understand the photo thing. Everyone else in the world sends photos of new babies. I said I don’t care about the world and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational but you don’t have to understand it. You just have to respect it. Well that didn’t go over well.
So tell me the truth, am I being dramatic? Am I the AH? My mom said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired. Be honest with me, are my husband and I drawing a hard line over something nonsensical?
Let's see what readers thought.
blackcherrtytomato writes:
NTA, I find it a bit odd that you/your husband weren't sending pictures to parents/grandparents during a settled time in the hospital. It sounds like you are close to them so seems a bit odd they you couldn't request they keep the photos just for them and not share it.
Me not understanding that doesn't mean it's an AH thing to do though. Not getting a picture isn't torture. People are supposed to be supporting a couple who just had a new baby, not adding to stress.
leoharauna writes:
ESH - Sorry but boy are you overly dramatic. One photo wouldn't have killed you., your precocious baby looks exactly like 2000000 other babies. I know first time moms tend to be over the top but both of you created this problem. Should they respect your decision? yea sure I guess, but I get where they are coming from. So much drama over something so stupid
leahbedea writes:
YTA. We’ve all been new parents and even though those first days are hard, you have to find a way to be a human. Setting limits with photos is nearly impossible so give that up.
Parenting is controlled chaos and at this point you sound insufferable. Get some support and learn how to adult and eventually parent. Don’t let this weird controlling behavior impact your future relationship with your family and eventually your child.
anonymous7 writes:
I guess I’m going against the grain but YTA. Coming from a mom who’s had to defend herself many times from the older generation being pushy for what they want, yes I think this is dramatic. (I use that word because you used it, and it applies).
I can’t imagine how heartbroken my family would have been if I didn’t send them a picture of my baby when she was born. It’s not like they were going to share it with random people.
Even if they did send it to friends or relatives, why would that have been the worst thing? I think you need to look at the bigger picture. You have family who love you and care about you and this child. They don’t have ill intentions towards you.