Woman 'steals back' daughter's toy from 'thieving' niece; SIL freaks out. UPDATED
There is nothing quite like the tension between two family members with different parenting styles.
Birthdays, holidays, and family gatherings can become massively complicated when you have the power struggle of massively different parenting philosophies hanging in the air. Add to that a heaping dose of jealousy, and you're no doubt going to come across some toxic displays.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for stealing a toy back from her niece after she noticed it was gone.
She wrote:
AITA for stealing a toy back from my niece?
So the title sucks I get that but let me explain. I don’t care for my niece 8f. I 30s (F) have a different parenting style than my SIL 30s (F) and bro 40s (M). Recently my niece was over and saw some toys I purchased for my kid's birthday that was coming up. I got a few novelty little people sets.
They were Friends, Golden Girls, Harry Potter, and The Office. Well, my niece immediately noticed them in the corner of my den and wanted to play with them. I told her no that once her cousin opened them for her birthday that weekend she could play with them then. Of course, my niece threw a fit but I ignored her and continued making dinner.
That night after everyone went home my spouse went to wrap the gifts for me. He came into our room holding 3 sets asking about the 4th. Puzzled, I looked at him and followed him Into the den and saw that indeed the Friends box was missing. This was the one my niece was most excited about. The following day, I ran by my brother's house to drop off some mail and snooping in my niece's room.
Of course, sitting by her bed was the Friends box partially opened but all the pieces were inside. I grabbed the box after taking a photo, dumped the mail on the counter, and went home. Cue today my kids' party, my niece lost it when she saw my daughter open all 4 sets. My SIL had a puzzled look on her face but didn’t say anything else.
After my daughter opened her gifts, I put everything inside the house in the master room behind a locked door. When I went inside my SIL followed asking where I got the Friends box I turned and told her I knew they took it to their home but I took it back as I rightfully purchased it. She flew off the handle of how dare I take something from her home.
I told her to shut up I had proof either her or my niece stole my daughter's gift when I refused to let her play with it, and that if she continued with her tantrum I would be telling my bro and family what she did. She got a sour look on her face and left the party shortly after. Later family asked about a rumor that I stole a gift from SIL's home so I set the story straight and laid out exactly what she did with photo proof.
Now my bro is pissed at his wife but also at me claiming I stooped to her level when I could of just told him what was going on. So AITA?
People flooded to the comment section to share their two cents.
Brit_J wrote:
NTA. You didn't steal from her, you recovered stolen property. I wouldn't allow them around my house anymore after that.
Ok_Register3005 wrote:
NTA. Your niece is a little thief and your sil is a jerk for trying to say it's anything else. You don't need to go to your bro to handle it. You handled yourself.
JustheBean wrote:
NTA. How is she going to yell about you taking something from her home? Like that isn’t exactly what she/her daughter did in the first place? The title made it sound like you snatched a toy from a child’s hand. But all you did was graciously take back stolen property without raising a fuss. And given it was stolen from your kids, that was a pretty composed response.
You didn’t stoop to her level. If she didn’t want attention drawn to the situation, she shouldn’t have been so quick to start that rumor. And if she didn’t want everyone to think she’s a crappy person, maybe she shouldn’t do such crappy things.
RickSanchez86 wrote:
NTA. The item had been removed from your home without your permission.
Be very clear with your brother that he and his wife need to start attending counseling now so that they can get to the bottom of why she thinks it’s okay to steal from you.
whenilookinthemirror wrote:
How dare you take something from HER house? Oh boy, NTA, and this was a new gift for a shortly to happen party. It's not like she 'borrowed' an old toy. What a brat she is, both of them.
After receiving lots of feedback, OP jumped on with a major update:
Edit: I just spoke with my brother. He called and asked to meet for a beer. Apparently, SIL and him are divorcing. My niece took the toy and my SIL knew about it that night but told my niece she could keep it as I wouldn’t remember that one is missing. My brother is absolutely mortified that my SIL and niece did this. Thing is, if my niece asked for it my brother would of bought it no questions asked.
I apologized to him for entering his home under different circumstances and offered his key back. He called me an idiot and hugged me telling me he would of done the exact same thing if he was in my position. From what he told me, my SIL has had an unhealthy obsession/ resentment towards me from the start of their relationship which has boiled down to their child.
I did apologize and offer any help and support to him and my niece. My brother did jokingly suggest I take my niece for the rest of summer to straighten her behavior out. My brother and I were raised by our grandparents as we had absent/abusive parents.
He has tried to overcompensate for our rough childhood which has resulted in a spoiled arrogant child. I may take his offer to try to help my niece. She used to be very sweet up until 2 years ago when my brother started working more and taking more work trips. I did suggest therapy for him and my niece.
Clearly, OP is NTA, and her brother has fully seen the light of day.